Friends With Benefits

Wow. It has been a loooooong time since I blogged. Life is pretty dull nowadays because I have exams in December. So all I do nowadays is study, study, study. The other day I was watching Grey's Anatomy and something in it got my mind to start working again. Friends with benefits.

What are friends with benefits? Nothing special or out of the ordinary. They are just regular close friends. With whom you sometimes have sex. Nowadays the concept of friends with benefits has become very common. If you are a fan of english series like Sex and the City and Grey's Anatomy, you know what I am talking about. Two people are real good friends who are there for each other. Who help each other out, lend a shoulder to cry on. And then they have casual sex. Which by the way is a term that I dont understand. How is sex casual? You are getting naked in front of  a person. You are are letting them touch your private parts, do things to you which are very personal. Oh but its all very casual!??? Seriously? And even if you are friends with someone with whom you have sex, how do you not develop feelings for them?

So to all the people out there who have friends and enjoy benefits with them, I wanna know how do you maintain it? How do you not develop feelings for someone with who you share your body? Are you friends, lovers or just plain confused and horny? :P No offense to anyone. Til the next post, keep it safe people!

Loosing My Virginity

It been a long while since I posted anything. Nothing worth posting hapenned. Yeserday however an incident made me wanna write about my experience of loosing my virginity. Now now, dont just reach the conclusion that this post is gonna be about my first sexual experience! It is about my first ever car accident experience which hapenned yesterday.

We hear everyday about car accidents. They have become very common. Especially in Oman. I think Oman is third on the list of most dangerous accidents or something. My own brother has been in 2,3 accidents. One of my best friends, lets call him Brian, had a very major accident some months ago. He was injured physically as well as traumatized. Now before I go into details about my experience, lemme tell you something about Brian. He was my high school crush. Sadly he is straight. But I think he was kinda curious while growing up coz he used to do really strange non-straight things like carressing my thigh with his foot, slowly breathing over my neck or lightly carressing my chest when I wasnt looking. Plus there was one time when he really was trying to get me to kiss him by challenging me that I cant. And I wud've, had my other friend's younger brother not been there. Anyways, Brian is kinda like my ideal dream guy. He is atleast 6 feet (in any case, taller than me and I am 5'8" I think), really good looking, gorgeous hair, protective nature and he smells really good :P Now I am over him. It was a crush and I grew out of it some years back. Today he has a girlfriend who is really a very good person and I adore them as a couple. Back to the accident.....

Brian had come to pick his girlfriend up from our college and had asked me to come along too. We were near his girfriend's home but instead of taking the regular turn, Brian went straight. So his girlfriend asked him,

"Where are you going? Are you going for the park thing we discussed?"......

which I didnt understand coz Brian didnt reply and just kept going straight. There was another turning to the right which Brian had to take and I think he was day dreaming coz he suddenly realized he was about to miss the turning and he spun the steering wheel like crazy towards the turning. Now ordinarily we would have made the turning....if our speed had been a little less. All I remember is us heading towards the turning, not totally making it, then there were screeches, crazy turning of the steering wheel, me bracing myself coz I could see us heading towards the pavement and then there was a loud impact noise. What hapenned next really wierded me out. As soon as the car came to a stop, I turned towards the back seat and asked Brian's girlfriend...."Is this the park thing you had discussed?" Everyone was quite for a second and then we all burst out laughing and I was thinking to myself "Dude, whats wrong with you! You just had an accident, your leg is hurt and you are cracking jokes!!" which kinda confirmed my suspicion that I am a little crazy :P

All of us got out of the car, everyone was ok except the car. I walked Brian's girlfriend to her house which was nearby while Brian called his brother. And then we waited for his brother, then his friends who checked the car out, then the tow truck guys. All the while Brian kinda looked strange to me, like very stiffy. I kept asking him if he is ok and he kept saying yes but he didnt seem like it. So I stuck with him, making him eat and drink and talking to keep his mind off the accident. When everyone was gone and his brother was far off on the phone with someone, I saw a tear trickling down Brian's cheek. I asked him what was up but I guessed he was too traumatized to talk or act as if he is ok coz he just broke out sobbing. I was shocked for a micro second that Brian was crying!!! He is one of the bravest guys I know. So I took him in my arms and held him tightly while he sobbed like a baby. I thought he would  pull back coz that's how straight guys are, but he didnt. I held him for like 4,5 minutes while he kept crying and I had

to stand on my toes to reach his height!!. See, he was reliving his past accident all over again and was devastated. I felt realy sorry for the guy.

All the while I kept thinking about the impact. This was my first ever accident. I should have been scared. But all I felt was this rush of adrenaline and a thrill when the car was about to hit the pavement. So now I am planning to go to amusement parks and ride those dodging car thingies to relive this thrill. Told you I am wierd ;)

Fun Fact: This accident hapenned just outside Claire's house :)

Scars

This is going to be a wierd post so please bear with me. I am in a strange mood today.

I have seen many people whose face is covered with pimples or spots. I have seen them get very concious and somtimes depressed due to those pimples and spots. I dont mean to brag, but I have very clear skin. I have actually received compliments on my skin because I dont have spots and thankfully I dont get pimples also. Ofcourse I did get them while growing up but now they seem to hate my face. Thank God. My sister often gets envious of me because she is a teenager and has entered the bad world of pimples. But the reality is something which is not so obvious. My face is not covered in spots and blemishes.......its covered in scars. When I was young, I had this pen which had invisible ink. The ink was only visible under ultra violet light. I sometimes wish such a light existed which would make my scars visible to the outside world. Scars left on me as souviniers by people who I fell in love with.

I have seen many blogs where people write on and on about their past life, their exes and the experiences. I also thought of doing it but honestly I could not bring myself to dedicate a full post to these individuals. I dont think they deserve it. So I am gonna just give a brief description of them. If nothing else, then just to get it out of my system. So here goes......

Claire.

Claire was my high school girlfriend. Yes you read it correct. Girlfriend. There was a time when I tried to walk down the straight path, when I had convinced myself that being gay is only in my head and I just need to find the right girl. One word to describe Claire would be......glee. She was always happy and smiling and trying to make sure that life is full of good times. I loved talking to her, sharing my life with her. She was my go-to person when I needed someone to talk to. Whenever I went to the mall, I would buy things for her because I loved getting her presents. I arranged surprise birthday parties for her. Our families knew about our involvement. And it only made things sweeter because our families got together really well. Me and Claire would often talk about the future. Marriage, babies. Twins. She always wanted twins. I had a blue print of what my life was going to be like. I could see a future. We were together for four years. About a year and a half ago, her parents forced her to get committed to someone who is waaaay richer than me. Dont worry. I am fine.

Moving on
                                                               Travis.

Now this is gonna be a really strange story. Sometimes even I dont understand it completely. Ever since we are children, we read about true love. The one person in this world who can make your heart beat ten times faster in just a second. Your soulmate. The guy who can make you go weak in the knees everytime he stares in your eyes. Whose closeness is something you just cant tolerate because you wanna have him NOW!! I met Travis when I started working in a super mall over here. You know like one of those places that has all the brands? I was just doing my job when I realized that the guy in the opposite outlet is staring at me. As the days went by, I got used to him looking at me and he never disappointed me. When I left for home, all I could do is wait anxiously for the next day and when I would arrive for the job, all I wanted to do was look at him. Time went by, we started talking a bit and then God knows when and I why I fell in love with this guy. Even a look from him made my heart go crazy. Then after a few months he started ignoring. It kinda hit me very hard and after several months of depression I left the job. Dont worry. I am fine.

Moving on.

                                                       Aiden.
I met Aiden in a community on Orkut. We hit it off immediately. We used to send each other messages all the time and as time went on we grew very fond of each other. Then one day he asked me out. I live in Muscat, he was in Karachi. Long distance. Add into it the fact that at this stage of my life I am trying to be a good Muslim and live my life as a gay guy at the same time which leaves no room for sex in my life. Islam forbids sex and I am trying to live how Allah wants me to. Anyways I was very upfront about all this and he said he had no issues. I couldnt believe my luck. I thought I was gonna end up alone and here was a guy who was accepting my and my beliefs. We met over the summer. Had a great time. We even enjoyed alone time and I was very happy to see that not once he tried to force sex on me. I came back to Muscat. After some time we started having problems. Fights and arguments. And about two months back we ended things. Reason? He wanted us to have sex. Now dont get me wrong. Aiden has been a blessing for me in many ways because he made me feel so loved. And I dont hold him responsible at all. Sex is a vital part of a relation. And honestly I knew inside me that this relation wasnt going to work because of the no sex issue. Dont worry. I am fine.

I am sorry for going on and on. I didnt have any intention of splattering my past all over my blog. But today I had a dream about Travis and I cant get his eyes out of my head. The whole day I have spent thinking about him. Oh and tomorrow is Claire's birthday. How am I? Dont worry..........I am fine.........just covered in scars....