Scars

This is going to be a wierd post so please bear with me. I am in a strange mood today.

I have seen many people whose face is covered with pimples or spots. I have seen them get very concious and somtimes depressed due to those pimples and spots. I dont mean to brag, but I have very clear skin. I have actually received compliments on my skin because I dont have spots and thankfully I dont get pimples also. Ofcourse I did get them while growing up but now they seem to hate my face. Thank God. My sister often gets envious of me because she is a teenager and has entered the bad world of pimples. But the reality is something which is not so obvious. My face is not covered in spots and blemishes.......its covered in scars. When I was young, I had this pen which had invisible ink. The ink was only visible under ultra violet light. I sometimes wish such a light existed which would make my scars visible to the outside world. Scars left on me as souviniers by people who I fell in love with.

I have seen many blogs where people write on and on about their past life, their exes and the experiences. I also thought of doing it but honestly I could not bring myself to dedicate a full post to these individuals. I dont think they deserve it. So I am gonna just give a brief description of them. If nothing else, then just to get it out of my system. So here goes......

Claire.

Claire was my high school girlfriend. Yes you read it correct. Girlfriend. There was a time when I tried to walk down the straight path, when I had convinced myself that being gay is only in my head and I just need to find the right girl. One word to describe Claire would be......glee. She was always happy and smiling and trying to make sure that life is full of good times. I loved talking to her, sharing my life with her. She was my go-to person when I needed someone to talk to. Whenever I went to the mall, I would buy things for her because I loved getting her presents. I arranged surprise birthday parties for her. Our families knew about our involvement. And it only made things sweeter because our families got together really well. Me and Claire would often talk about the future. Marriage, babies. Twins. She always wanted twins. I had a blue print of what my life was going to be like. I could see a future. We were together for four years. About a year and a half ago, her parents forced her to get committed to someone who is waaaay richer than me. Dont worry. I am fine.

Moving on
                                                               Travis.

Now this is gonna be a really strange story. Sometimes even I dont understand it completely. Ever since we are children, we read about true love. The one person in this world who can make your heart beat ten times faster in just a second. Your soulmate. The guy who can make you go weak in the knees everytime he stares in your eyes. Whose closeness is something you just cant tolerate because you wanna have him NOW!! I met Travis when I started working in a super mall over here. You know like one of those places that has all the brands? I was just doing my job when I realized that the guy in the opposite outlet is staring at me. As the days went by, I got used to him looking at me and he never disappointed me. When I left for home, all I could do is wait anxiously for the next day and when I would arrive for the job, all I wanted to do was look at him. Time went by, we started talking a bit and then God knows when and I why I fell in love with this guy. Even a look from him made my heart go crazy. Then after a few months he started ignoring. It kinda hit me very hard and after several months of depression I left the job. Dont worry. I am fine.

Moving on.

                                                       Aiden.
I met Aiden in a community on Orkut. We hit it off immediately. We used to send each other messages all the time and as time went on we grew very fond of each other. Then one day he asked me out. I live in Muscat, he was in Karachi. Long distance. Add into it the fact that at this stage of my life I am trying to be a good Muslim and live my life as a gay guy at the same time which leaves no room for sex in my life. Islam forbids sex and I am trying to live how Allah wants me to. Anyways I was very upfront about all this and he said he had no issues. I couldnt believe my luck. I thought I was gonna end up alone and here was a guy who was accepting my and my beliefs. We met over the summer. Had a great time. We even enjoyed alone time and I was very happy to see that not once he tried to force sex on me. I came back to Muscat. After some time we started having problems. Fights and arguments. And about two months back we ended things. Reason? He wanted us to have sex. Now dont get me wrong. Aiden has been a blessing for me in many ways because he made me feel so loved. And I dont hold him responsible at all. Sex is a vital part of a relation. And honestly I knew inside me that this relation wasnt going to work because of the no sex issue. Dont worry. I am fine.

I am sorry for going on and on. I didnt have any intention of splattering my past all over my blog. But today I had a dream about Travis and I cant get his eyes out of my head. The whole day I have spent thinking about him. Oh and tomorrow is Claire's birthday. How am I? Dont worry..........I am fine.........just covered in scars....