Temptation

I have been using fake profiles on social networking sites for more than a year now. No, I had used them before but stopped for a long time. I didnt live in a box you know :) Mostly what I have seen is that people use these sites for hook ups and one nighters. Which makes life a tad bit more difficult since I make it very clear that I wont have sex. Usually this statement is followed by silence for a VERY long time. But sometimes you can also come across a person who agrees that gay is not a synonym for sex. Rare gems which I treasure.

I have met many people from the internet. Ok, many was when I was in Karachi for two years. Since coming back, I have met 2,3 people. The problem with me is that very rarely am I attracted to a guy I meet online. You know, that feeling which makes your heart beat louder,butterflies in stomach? That kinda feeling. Also when I have sex, its like I have this mental block in my brain. When I feel that things are going too far and I dont wanna take it further, I can totally disconnect myself from whats happening and stop myself. 

A few days ago I was added by a guy. We had a good chat. He is 30 years old so he is mature and sensible than me. He seemed interesting so I kept chatting. Atleast he didnt ask for my number or ask me to meet him the same day. When we exchanged pics, it was quite a surprise for me. A good looking and muscular guy stared at me from his pic and man was I turned on! Even his poses were sexy! But ofcourse I didnt say anything. I'd never show to a guy that I am attracted to him. So we met online a few more times and it was fun talking to him. Then came the topic of meeting .

Now usually I dont have much qualms about meeting a guy. Except that he might be an axe-wielding serial killer :P But when he mentioned meeting me, I got all tensed. The reason is that I find him quite hot. Its more of a physical thing than a mental connection.I always had a thing for big strong men ;) And this time I am quite worried that it would be me who takes it to the next level even though he has clearly said that he wont do anything that crosses any lines drawn by me. But what if I use his underwear to erase my line made of chalk?? So i postponed meeting him making up an excuse. And he was all understanding and stuff.

I spoke with Chris about my dilemma and he just told me words that I already knew but was trying to shut them out. I chose to abstain from sex. For Allah. It was a decision taken by me coz I wanted to do it. And I have tried my best to stick to it. Have faltered sometimes. Its not easy refusing sex you know! But so far I'd say I am doing pretty good. And now its pretty clear and obvious that this guy is gonna break my record and take away my virginity. Yes, I havent had sex in a REALLY long while so I am pretty sure my virginity is back! So my option I guess is not meeting him at all. Coz even if we meet in a public place and he just suggests going back to his place, I'd totally be on-board. So I guess its decided. No meeting hot hunks!

Heaven better be worth it!!!

Islam, Homosexuality & Questions

This topic has been in my head ever since I started this blog. But somehow I kept on delaying letting it out. But I cant anymore coz it keeps poking me everyday. I am not going to preach in this post. I am not that person. I will however discuss a few things regarding Islam and homosexuality.


I have always been religious, God fearing. Its not something my parents drilled into my head coz if that were the case, my brother and sister would also be like me. It was something natural for me. I had always heard that having sex with someone who isnt your wife is a big sin. But that wasnt enough for me. So one day I surfed the web to find out what Islam actually says about homosexuality. What I found really shockd and terrified me. In the Quran there is mostly one reference to homosexuality which was practice by the people of Lot. These are the verses I found out:



"We also sent Lut : He said to his people : "Do ye commit lewdness such as no people in creation (ever) committed before you? For ye practice your lusts on men in preference to women: ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds." Qur'an 7:80-81


"What! Of all creatures do ye come unto the males, and leave the wives your Lord created for you? Nay, but ye are forward folk." Qur'an 26:165


Examples of the Hadith (sayings of the Prophet Muhammad ) regarding homosexuality are:



"When a man mounts another man, the throne of God shakes."


"Kill the one that is doing it and also kill the one that it is being done to." (in reference to the active and passive partners in gay sexual intercourse)


There is at least one mention of lesbian behavior mentioned in the Hadith: "Sihaq (lesbian sexual activity) of women is zina (illegitimate sexual intercourse) among them.


There is a lot more but I cant add it all here. You can read the enitre article on this website: "http://www.missionislam.com/knowledge/homosexuality.htm"


Reading all this scared the crap outta me. Since then I have been trying to abstain from sex. Coz its been clearly said that anal sex make God major angry. But there are so many levels of sex. What is punishable and what is not? Kissing, foreplay, oral. What about jacking off? Are these as punishable as much as anal? What about if a guy marries another guy. Is it ok then? Is gay marriage even allowed? So many questions. But no answers. People say dont mix sex with religion. Being a Muslim and keeping these two things apart isnt an easy job peeps.

Another question that keeps popping in my head is that are all these scriptures genuine?Isnt it possible that the wordings might have changed or the interpretations misinterpreted? From what I understand, people of Lot chose to have sex with men instead of women. But gay people dont CHOOSE to be gay. Thats how God made them. So is it the same as people of Lot? Recently I came across this website about an Al-Fatiha group that apparently promotes a modern Islam which accepts gay people. But then comes the question of whether you should believe them or not. It could be true, it could be wrong. Also I think its closed now coz I cant find any recent updates. 


I wanna try and live as a good Muslim. Do what Allah expects me to do. But life alone seems such a hard thing! And I certainly wont be one of those fools who get married but then cheat on their wives. I find that utterly disgusting! If you expect answer here then sorry I dont have one. When it comes to religion I myself am pretty confused and full of questions. I read somewhere that if a man is blind, this doesnt mean that Allah has different rules for him. He still has to live like everyone else. Guess that makes it a bit clear doesnt it?

Back With A Bang!

Hey peeps! Sorry for being missing in action for such a long time. Things had been going rough for me and I was trying to cope with it the best I could. Lemme just brief you on all that hapenned in the past few weeks.

1. I had a job interview which kinda sucked but to my surprise I have been called tomorrow for meeting the CEO of the company. God knows why. My standards arent so high that I would require only the CEO to reject me :P

2. It has been raining in Oman for the last 2,3 days. THANK GOD for that. Oman usually has only two seasons, Summers and more Summers. So when it rains, its like a huge deal for me coz I just LOVE the rain :)

3. Glee won 3 Golden Globes for which I am SO delighted! Also I found out that it has been made official, Anne Hathaway is gonna be Kurt's lesbian aunt on Glee :D She is one woman for whom I can be straight. Well she and Diana Agron ofcourse :P

4. FINALLY I can see changes in my body due to gymming. Its been a year and I was getting so de-motivated. But now I am gonna hit the weights with all that I got.

5. Lastly, I was dating a guy for around a month and a few days ago it ended.

Yup, if you havent guessed already, the last point was the reason of me going through a rough patch. But before I get into details, a little background. My last relation was with Aiden and when that ended, I swore never to get involved and then heart broken by anyone. The feeling of being rejected really sucks. So I have been chatting with a few guys, there have been meetings as well. But strictly friendship. Around December I met this guy on Facebook and we started exchanging emails. We just clicked. Rarely do I have chemistry with someone. And with him I felt real comfortable. So after a month of exchanging emails, we met and it was a wonderful date. Coffee and then walk on the beach. Just perfect. A few days ago we met again. I went to his place and we watched a movie. It all seemed good. But on that date I realized that we dont have a future. Also there was an issue coz I am a Muslim and I try to observe Islamic practices as much as I can. And I dont think he understood that. Dont get me wrong, the guy is a great person. But we both understood that we had to stop dating.

Goin a little off topic now. I have been reading articles on the net and people's comments on them and it made me realize how much racism there is towards Muslims. It really upset me that people tend to judge the whole community based on the actions of a few individuals. But all that is for another post. Anyways, when it ended with this guy coz of religious issues, it kinda hit me pretty hard. No, I dont love him or anything. Which is why I couldnt understand either that why was I so down. I guess maybe I felt rejected and the reaction of people against Islam all got mixed up. Also, I tend to get attached to people real quickly. So i cut off from everyone and shut myself totally coz people kept asking me whats wrong and I literally couldnt bring myself to talk about it.

Everytime I have faced a hurdle or a heartbreak, I keep giving myself pep talks. I cant talk to my family or friends coz they dunno I am gay. Sure Chris knows but he is busy in his own life. So its me alone. And I try to be my own support system. Usually I am able to pull myself through. But after seeing so many ups and downs, this time I was out of pep talks. I was moody, snappish and didnt wanna talk to anybody. Yesterday I got up and something felt different. I realized I am tired of being depressed! Sure life sucks and instead of getting better, sometimes it gets worse. But there comes a point when you just get sick of feeling down. You can either wallow in self pity or you can try to make lemon pies. I choose to make lemon pies. So even though life keeps throwing crap at me, I am gonna face it, straighten my shoulders, head held high, smile and say to Life.................

Aaah. Picture is worth thousand words. Or atleast enough for the what I wanted to say. And yes, in case you are wondering, the pic is mine. Till the next post, Adios.

Single....And Lovin It!

Nowadays all I hear around me are the words love, relationship, commitment, marriage etc. I wonder if this is a new epidemic. Or maybe the Valentines day flu is coming around again. It seems as if all people want to do is find somenone and fall in love. There. Biggest goal in life achieved. No other aim in life, no thinking outside the box. Since the community says fall in love, marry and have kids (or a vampire kid as in the case of Twilight), that has become our only aim in life.

Nowadays being single is seen as much more worst than getting cancer! Single people crib and cry about how unhappy they are being single and as a result, the whole world thinks of them as sad and pathetic. This is something I really dont undersand. Why is being single seen as a curse? Why are people just getting into relations for the sake of avoiding being single? Why is it that people choose to marry people that they dont love just because the world says "You cant be single for the rest of your life!!" To all such people, I say "Get a grip!!!"

Being single is not a curse. Infact it can be seen as a blessing. You should have the right attitude and think about the pros of something before drowning in all the cons. I am gonna point out a few advantages (there are many but I dont want this post to drag on and on) of being single so that all of you who consider being single as a death sentence realize that is is not necessarily a bad thing. Now, this is not a post againt relations or love or marriage. I am not against any of that. If you find the right person and all, then go for it. Its just a post to help you look at being single in a positive light. So people, prepare to be dazzled with the advantages of being single.....

1. Being single means you live your life on your own terms. You do what you want and when you want. There is no one to constantly try and mould you into their idea of what you should be.

2. Your likes and dislikes are good enough. No one keeps pestering you about your choices. There is no one to criticize you for every decision you make. You wont hear "Really? You like this shirt? Seriously???" or "This series sucks! Why do you even watch it?!" or "What's wrong with your choice??"

3. No emotional stress. We all, who have been in a relation, know that although there is a plus side of having someone to love, there is also alot of emotional drama and mental stress. Being single saves you from all that, people! You wont go on and on in your head about something that your lover said or didnt say or what he would say if you do something he/she disapproves of. No fights, no quarrels, no hopes being burst, no disappointments. Now wouldnt you want that instead of running away from it?

4. No stress of infidelity. We have seen many relations which break either because the partner was unfaithful or because one person couldnt trust the other. Being single gives you a break from all that. You dont need to keep an eye on your lover all the time to make sure they arent getting attracted to anyone else. Mental peace. Aah, bliss.

5. In a relation, people start depending on each other emotionally. Any issues, you start leaning on your lover for support. But what happens when they leave? Your are left crushed, without any support and you fall into an abyss of depression. Isnt it better to be single, depend only on yourself in every way and avoid all this pain?

6. For those who have been in a live-in relationship or married, being single could infact be the best thing ever! You design your house how you want it. You watch what you want. You roam around in your house in what you want to wear. No one hogs your covers in the night. And the most important of all, your closet is full of you stuff only!

7. For all those horny people out there, being single means you can have sex whenever you want with whoever you want. You dont have to see if your lover is in the "mood". Wanna have sex? Go hit a club and hookup. If thats not your scene, enjoy alone time with your trusty hand ;)

I will stop now because this post has already become too long. There will be people who will try to negate my points by telling me that there are plus sides to being in a relation. I dont deny that. This is just a different way to look at being single. So that we can get rid of the "pathetic" tag that is used for single people. I was planning to post this topic on Valentines day so it could help people to look at the positive side of being single. But frankly it just keeps buzzing in my head and I cant wait for another month and 5 days! So to all the single people out there, be happy. Your are single, self sufficient, independent, sexy and fucking fabulous! :)