Faith.....And Lack Of It

Its been a while since I blogged. Nothing really worth blogging hapenned until a few days ago. And this incident is something I just cant stop myself from blogging about. I recently saw the episode "Grilled Cheesus" of Glee's new season. Now dont get me wrong. This post is NOT against Glee. I love Glee more than any program I have ever seen and I connect to it at many levels. This is just about something in it that got me thinking. It was basically about religion and how people believe in God and how some people dont. I have always been a very strong believer in God. And I try my best to mould my life according to how he wants me to live it. But ofcourse I am not always successful. Hello, human here. Anyways, in that episode somethings hit home really hard. Like how Kurt says he doesnt believe in God because if there is a God then why would he make him gay and then tell his followers that gay people are bad. And especially the part where Sue says that she prayed but nothing hapennd so she prayed harder only to realize that she wasnt praying incorrectly, there just wasnt anyone out there who was listening.

I have been aware of my sexuality even since I was 16 years old. For a long time I kept praying that I become "normal". That what I feel for guys, goes away. That never hapenned. Time after time someone would come along, make me fall in love with them and then walk away without telling me how to fall out of love. I prayed that the pain would go away.....that didnt happen either. So I started wondering, is there really no one out there? That we just made up this concept of God because we need to turn to someone when we cant find the solutions of our problems? Yes, I did loose my faith.

                                                       

After some time I decided to check out my emails. One of my cousins had sent me an email about God. Usually I delete such emails without reading them. But I had this thought that ok lets read this one and then I can delete it. It was a story about a guy. And here is how it goes:

"A young man had been to Wednesday Night Class of Quranic Studies.

 The Muslim (Scholar) had shared about listening to Allah and obeying Allah through intuition. The young man couldn't help but wonder, 'Does Allah still speak to people through intuition?' After Lessons, he went out with some friends for coffee and pie and they discussed the message.. Several different ones talked about how Allah had led them in different ways and that at the end you'll know it was Allah (SWT) Who has directed you. It was about ten o'clock when the young man started driving home. Sitting in his car, he just began to pray, 'Allah...If you still speak to people, speak to me. I will listen. I will do my best to obey.' As he drove down the main street of his town, he had the strangest thought to stop and buy a gallon of milk. He shook his head and said out loud, 'Allah is that you?' He didn't get a reply and started on toward home. But again, the thought, buy a gallon of milk came into his head. 'Okay, Allah, in case that is you, I will buy the milk.' It didn't seem like too hard a test of obedience. He could always use the milk. He stopped and purchased the gallon of milk and started off toward home. As he passed Seventh Street, he again felt the urge, 'Turn Down that street.' This is crazy he thought, and drove on past the intersection. Again, he felt that he should turn down Seventh Street. At the next intersection, he turned back and headed down Seventh. Half jokingly, he said out loud, 'Okay, Allah, I will.' He drove several blocks, when suddenly, he felt like he should stop. He pulled over to the curb and looked around. He was in a semi-commercial area of town. It wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst of neighbourhoods either. The businesses were closed and most of the houses looked dark like the people were already in bed. Again, he sensed something, 'Go and give the milk to the people in the house across the street.' The young man looked at the house. It was dark and it looked like the people were either gone or they were already asleep. He started to open the door and then sat back in the car seat. 'Allah, this is insane. Those people are asleep and if I wake them up, they are going to be mad and I will look stupid.' Again, he felt like he should go and give the milk.

Finally, he opened the door, 'Okay Allah (SWT), if this is you, I will go to the door and I will give them the milk. If you want me to look like a crazy person, okay. I want to be obedient. I guess that will  count for something, but if they don't answer right away, I am out of here.'  He walked across the street and rang the bell. He could hear some noise inside. A man's voice yelled out, 'Who is it? What do you want?' Then the door opened before the young man could get away.The man was standing there in his jeans and T-shirt. He looked like he just got out of bed. He had a strange look on his face and he didn't seem too happy to have some stranger standing on his doorstep. 'What is it?' The young man thrust out the gallon of milk, 'Here, I brought this to you.' The man took the milk and rushed down a hallway. Then from down the hall came a woman carrying the milk toward the kitchen. The man was following her holding a baby. The baby was crying. The man had tears streaming down his face. The man began speaking and half crying, 'We were just praying.We had some big bills this month and we ran out of money. We didn't have any milk for our baby. I was just praying and asking Allah (SWT) to show me how to get some milk.' His wife in the kitchen yelled out, 'I ask him to send an Angel with some milk. Are you an Angel?' The young man reached into his wallet and pulled out all the money he had on him and put in the man's hand. He turned and walked back toward his car and the tears were streaming down his face. He knew that Allah (SWT) still answers prayers. "

After reading this, I sat speechless for 20 seconds while goosebumps erupted all over my body like someone was throwing ice cold water on me. It was then that I realized that Allah DOES listen. He saw that my faith was shaken, he pointed me to check my email and then he showed me that he does listen. All we need is a little faith in him. I think there are many people out there who are loosing their faith over one thing or another. So I hope this story and my own experience helps in restoring their faith.