Back With A Bang!

Hey peeps! Sorry for being missing in action for such a long time. Things had been going rough for me and I was trying to cope with it the best I could. Lemme just brief you on all that hapenned in the past few weeks.

1. I had a job interview which kinda sucked but to my surprise I have been called tomorrow for meeting the CEO of the company. God knows why. My standards arent so high that I would require only the CEO to reject me :P

2. It has been raining in Oman for the last 2,3 days. THANK GOD for that. Oman usually has only two seasons, Summers and more Summers. So when it rains, its like a huge deal for me coz I just LOVE the rain :)

3. Glee won 3 Golden Globes for which I am SO delighted! Also I found out that it has been made official, Anne Hathaway is gonna be Kurt's lesbian aunt on Glee :D She is one woman for whom I can be straight. Well she and Diana Agron ofcourse :P

4. FINALLY I can see changes in my body due to gymming. Its been a year and I was getting so de-motivated. But now I am gonna hit the weights with all that I got.

5. Lastly, I was dating a guy for around a month and a few days ago it ended.

Yup, if you havent guessed already, the last point was the reason of me going through a rough patch. But before I get into details, a little background. My last relation was with Aiden and when that ended, I swore never to get involved and then heart broken by anyone. The feeling of being rejected really sucks. So I have been chatting with a few guys, there have been meetings as well. But strictly friendship. Around December I met this guy on Facebook and we started exchanging emails. We just clicked. Rarely do I have chemistry with someone. And with him I felt real comfortable. So after a month of exchanging emails, we met and it was a wonderful date. Coffee and then walk on the beach. Just perfect. A few days ago we met again. I went to his place and we watched a movie. It all seemed good. But on that date I realized that we dont have a future. Also there was an issue coz I am a Muslim and I try to observe Islamic practices as much as I can. And I dont think he understood that. Dont get me wrong, the guy is a great person. But we both understood that we had to stop dating.

Goin a little off topic now. I have been reading articles on the net and people's comments on them and it made me realize how much racism there is towards Muslims. It really upset me that people tend to judge the whole community based on the actions of a few individuals. But all that is for another post. Anyways, when it ended with this guy coz of religious issues, it kinda hit me pretty hard. No, I dont love him or anything. Which is why I couldnt understand either that why was I so down. I guess maybe I felt rejected and the reaction of people against Islam all got mixed up. Also, I tend to get attached to people real quickly. So i cut off from everyone and shut myself totally coz people kept asking me whats wrong and I literally couldnt bring myself to talk about it.

Everytime I have faced a hurdle or a heartbreak, I keep giving myself pep talks. I cant talk to my family or friends coz they dunno I am gay. Sure Chris knows but he is busy in his own life. So its me alone. And I try to be my own support system. Usually I am able to pull myself through. But after seeing so many ups and downs, this time I was out of pep talks. I was moody, snappish and didnt wanna talk to anybody. Yesterday I got up and something felt different. I realized I am tired of being depressed! Sure life sucks and instead of getting better, sometimes it gets worse. But there comes a point when you just get sick of feeling down. You can either wallow in self pity or you can try to make lemon pies. I choose to make lemon pies. So even though life keeps throwing crap at me, I am gonna face it, straighten my shoulders, head held high, smile and say to Life.................

Aaah. Picture is worth thousand words. Or atleast enough for the what I wanted to say. And yes, in case you are wondering, the pic is mine. Till the next post, Adios.

Single....And Lovin It!

Nowadays all I hear around me are the words love, relationship, commitment, marriage etc. I wonder if this is a new epidemic. Or maybe the Valentines day flu is coming around again. It seems as if all people want to do is find somenone and fall in love. There. Biggest goal in life achieved. No other aim in life, no thinking outside the box. Since the community says fall in love, marry and have kids (or a vampire kid as in the case of Twilight), that has become our only aim in life.

Nowadays being single is seen as much more worst than getting cancer! Single people crib and cry about how unhappy they are being single and as a result, the whole world thinks of them as sad and pathetic. This is something I really dont undersand. Why is being single seen as a curse? Why are people just getting into relations for the sake of avoiding being single? Why is it that people choose to marry people that they dont love just because the world says "You cant be single for the rest of your life!!" To all such people, I say "Get a grip!!!"

Being single is not a curse. Infact it can be seen as a blessing. You should have the right attitude and think about the pros of something before drowning in all the cons. I am gonna point out a few advantages (there are many but I dont want this post to drag on and on) of being single so that all of you who consider being single as a death sentence realize that is is not necessarily a bad thing. Now, this is not a post againt relations or love or marriage. I am not against any of that. If you find the right person and all, then go for it. Its just a post to help you look at being single in a positive light. So people, prepare to be dazzled with the advantages of being single.....

1. Being single means you live your life on your own terms. You do what you want and when you want. There is no one to constantly try and mould you into their idea of what you should be.

2. Your likes and dislikes are good enough. No one keeps pestering you about your choices. There is no one to criticize you for every decision you make. You wont hear "Really? You like this shirt? Seriously???" or "This series sucks! Why do you even watch it?!" or "What's wrong with your choice??"

3. No emotional stress. We all, who have been in a relation, know that although there is a plus side of having someone to love, there is also alot of emotional drama and mental stress. Being single saves you from all that, people! You wont go on and on in your head about something that your lover said or didnt say or what he would say if you do something he/she disapproves of. No fights, no quarrels, no hopes being burst, no disappointments. Now wouldnt you want that instead of running away from it?

4. No stress of infidelity. We have seen many relations which break either because the partner was unfaithful or because one person couldnt trust the other. Being single gives you a break from all that. You dont need to keep an eye on your lover all the time to make sure they arent getting attracted to anyone else. Mental peace. Aah, bliss.

5. In a relation, people start depending on each other emotionally. Any issues, you start leaning on your lover for support. But what happens when they leave? Your are left crushed, without any support and you fall into an abyss of depression. Isnt it better to be single, depend only on yourself in every way and avoid all this pain?

6. For those who have been in a live-in relationship or married, being single could infact be the best thing ever! You design your house how you want it. You watch what you want. You roam around in your house in what you want to wear. No one hogs your covers in the night. And the most important of all, your closet is full of you stuff only!

7. For all those horny people out there, being single means you can have sex whenever you want with whoever you want. You dont have to see if your lover is in the "mood". Wanna have sex? Go hit a club and hookup. If thats not your scene, enjoy alone time with your trusty hand ;)

I will stop now because this post has already become too long. There will be people who will try to negate my points by telling me that there are plus sides to being in a relation. I dont deny that. This is just a different way to look at being single. So that we can get rid of the "pathetic" tag that is used for single people. I was planning to post this topic on Valentines day so it could help people to look at the positive side of being single. But frankly it just keeps buzzing in my head and I cant wait for another month and 5 days! So to all the single people out there, be happy. Your are single, self sufficient, independent, sexy and fucking fabulous! :)

Anonymity, Lips and Dicks

I live in a country where homosexuality is still not accepted. And frankly I dont think it will ever be accepted in Muslim countries. Which means that gay people over here will always be hidden behind fake pics and names in fear of being exposed. This is how I also entered the gay world on the internet. I had a fake pics and my name was infact "Anonymous". Been living that life for more than a year.

Lately however I have been getting really tired of all this hiding. I see many people on Facebook, Orkut and Manjam who use their own pics as profile pics and I wonder whether they are openly gay or fearless? Coz Oman is a really small place. You are bound to run into someone who knows you or someone else that you know. And still there are people who are not afraid of it. After seeing many such people, I have been getting this urge to use my own pic as well. But I chickened out at the last minute mostly coz of my brother. He is more social than any person I know. Which means he knows alot of people. Every now and then I bump into a cute guy and he turns out to be my brother's friend. So to avoid future complications, I didnt use my face pic. However,me being me, I still wanted to get what I want. I thought about using a body pic like MANY people do. But rejected it the next second. I have waaaaaay more self respect than that. So I cropped one of my pics and focused it entirely on my lips. Now my display pic shows my lips. And every time I see it I cringe coz I sorta feel ashamed for pimping out my lips :P But I HAVE to use some part of me!

It has been around a week or so I guess since my new pic. And since then I have been contacted by people, some of whom were interesting and the others were part of the reason for this post. For me, my new pic represents a part of me. Not sexually. Just a part of me. But for some people, I think it reminds them of blowjobs coz they keep sending me pics of their dicks!! Yes you read it correct! And I actually find it quite wierd coz in the pic my lips arent parted seductively or I dont have my tongue out indicating sexual pleasures! It has been twice now that I start a decent conversation with a guy in a totally friendly way and they email me pics of their penises!! What is up with that?! Before contacting or adding someone, is it no longer a habit of reading their profiles? I read the whole profile before I make a move. But it seems that some people dont. Coz my profile makes it clear that I am not looking for sex. Then why show me your dicks and ask for my body pics?

It is my request to all such people out there that please understand what the other person wants before showing your personal stuff and making inappropriate suggestions. Moreover, if I get to see your dick or ass in just the first few conversations, what interest will there be left in you? No mystery, no discovering of anything. Also, just a reminder in case you havent noticed, your penis belongs in your pants.

On a lighter note, a very happy new year to all of you. May the next year be even more better than 2010 in all respects!

Out of Hand

Hey peeps!!! Sorry for being missing in action for such a long time. Was battling with exams. Thank God the exam period is over. Sadly it didnt go too well. But result is not coming out till 2 months. So I am gonna enjoy my time as much as I can before the dreaded results are out. Anyways. Now lemme get to the topic of this post.

We all have childhood friends with whom the friendship bond is much deeper and stronger than the friendships you develop later in your life. Atleast that's what I think. Childhood friends know you from Adam. They always have a special place in your heart. I have two such friends. One is Brian, whom I mentioned previously on my blog. The other one is Chris. I am giving him the name of Chris coz I am a die hard fan of Grey's Anatomy and Chris to me is like Cristina is to Meredith. Yes if I kill someone I would definitely call him to drag the body with me :) Chris knows that I am gay and he has been there for me so many times that I cant even imagine me being where I am today if I didnt have him. Brian, Chris and I have been friends since 4rth grade. Seen many ups and downs together.

I mentioned previously that I had a huge thing for Brian. That's all a thing of the past now. I love him as a friend and I love his girlfriend as well. Both of them are a cute couple. A few days ago Brian and Chris came over to my place to hang out after a very long time. We usually meet outside but my sister was alone at home so I couldnt leave. We were all lying on my bed talking and I started teasing Chris with my foot. No not sexual teasing. Just how friends play around. He was getting irritated and I was totally enjoying myself :) Suddenly Brian gets up, pins me to the bed and stuck his hand between my legs! No he wasnt grabbing my dick. His hands were going towards my ass. For a few micro seconds I was totally shocked that what just hapenned. Then I pulled his hand from between my thighs and he started playfullly wreslting me. At this point Chris went to the other bed.

Me and Brian have often wrestled before. God knows why he does that but I fully participate partly coz I love the warmth of his body. Now he was lying beside me and he was totally covering Chris's view. At one point I just got tired of struggling and told him he can do whatever he wants to! I knew he would back off seeing that I am not stopping him from touching me. He didnt. He unbuckled my belt. I waited for him to freak out and stop. Then he unbuttoned my jeans. To give him a taste of the freaking out I was experiencing internally, I placed my hand on his crotch expecting him to jump back. He kinda spread his legs! I freaked further and withdrew my hand. But I was pretty curious to see what was on his mind. He slid down the zip of my jeans. My heart was thudding in my skull! But I kept a very cool face so he wouldnt realize that I wont budge and stop doing what ever he is doing! He opened my jeans and placed his hand on my underwear. I  couldnt think straight and just kep waiting for him to stop. He looked at me, smiled and then quickly dug his hand inside my underwear towards my dick! I didnt hesitate for a microsecond and grabbed his hand just before he could feel my dick and I started tugging it out of my underwear. He kept pushing his hand further trying to overcome my force and go back in. I knew he would win coz he is stronger than me so i twisted my body and got his hand out! I think at that point he realized what he was doing coz he laughed and stopped doing it!

Chris had no idea what had hapenned. When I told him later I expected to get an earful of "dont think much bout it", "he was just joking" or "You know how Brian is. He is stupid". But Chris was more shocked than I have ever seen him! He just couldnt understand what had gotten into Brian. Niether could I. I thought about talking to Brian but then thought what's the point. I know he is a man whore for women :P

I have seen some pretty strange behaviour of a few straight guys. One of my cousins tried to kiss me when we started living together even though he is straight and that led to many nights of hot sex. Now Brian did this. What do straight guys want??? You are into VAGINAS!!!!! DONT FORGET THAT!!! Oh and to Brian.....STOP MESSING WITH MY HEAD!!!

Friends With Benefits

Wow. It has been a loooooong time since I blogged. Life is pretty dull nowadays because I have exams in December. So all I do nowadays is study, study, study. The other day I was watching Grey's Anatomy and something in it got my mind to start working again. Friends with benefits.

What are friends with benefits? Nothing special or out of the ordinary. They are just regular close friends. With whom you sometimes have sex. Nowadays the concept of friends with benefits has become very common. If you are a fan of english series like Sex and the City and Grey's Anatomy, you know what I am talking about. Two people are real good friends who are there for each other. Who help each other out, lend a shoulder to cry on. And then they have casual sex. Which by the way is a term that I dont understand. How is sex casual? You are getting naked in front of  a person. You are are letting them touch your private parts, do things to you which are very personal. Oh but its all very casual!??? Seriously? And even if you are friends with someone with whom you have sex, how do you not develop feelings for them?

So to all the people out there who have friends and enjoy benefits with them, I wanna know how do you maintain it? How do you not develop feelings for someone with who you share your body? Are you friends, lovers or just plain confused and horny? :P No offense to anyone. Til the next post, keep it safe people!

Loosing My Virginity

It been a long while since I posted anything. Nothing worth posting hapenned. Yeserday however an incident made me wanna write about my experience of loosing my virginity. Now now, dont just reach the conclusion that this post is gonna be about my first sexual experience! It is about my first ever car accident experience which hapenned yesterday.

We hear everyday about car accidents. They have become very common. Especially in Oman. I think Oman is third on the list of most dangerous accidents or something. My own brother has been in 2,3 accidents. One of my best friends, lets call him Brian, had a very major accident some months ago. He was injured physically as well as traumatized. Now before I go into details about my experience, lemme tell you something about Brian. He was my high school crush. Sadly he is straight. But I think he was kinda curious while growing up coz he used to do really strange non-straight things like carressing my thigh with his foot, slowly breathing over my neck or lightly carressing my chest when I wasnt looking. Plus there was one time when he really was trying to get me to kiss him by challenging me that I cant. And I wud've, had my other friend's younger brother not been there. Anyways, Brian is kinda like my ideal dream guy. He is atleast 6 feet (in any case, taller than me and I am 5'8" I think), really good looking, gorgeous hair, protective nature and he smells really good :P Now I am over him. It was a crush and I grew out of it some years back. Today he has a girlfriend who is really a very good person and I adore them as a couple. Back to the accident.....

Brian had come to pick his girlfriend up from our college and had asked me to come along too. We were near his girfriend's home but instead of taking the regular turn, Brian went straight. So his girlfriend asked him,

"Where are you going? Are you going for the park thing we discussed?"......

which I didnt understand coz Brian didnt reply and just kept going straight. There was another turning to the right which Brian had to take and I think he was day dreaming coz he suddenly realized he was about to miss the turning and he spun the steering wheel like crazy towards the turning. Now ordinarily we would have made the turning....if our speed had been a little less. All I remember is us heading towards the turning, not totally making it, then there were screeches, crazy turning of the steering wheel, me bracing myself coz I could see us heading towards the pavement and then there was a loud impact noise. What hapenned next really wierded me out. As soon as the car came to a stop, I turned towards the back seat and asked Brian's girlfriend...."Is this the park thing you had discussed?" Everyone was quite for a second and then we all burst out laughing and I was thinking to myself "Dude, whats wrong with you! You just had an accident, your leg is hurt and you are cracking jokes!!" which kinda confirmed my suspicion that I am a little crazy :P

All of us got out of the car, everyone was ok except the car. I walked Brian's girlfriend to her house which was nearby while Brian called his brother. And then we waited for his brother, then his friends who checked the car out, then the tow truck guys. All the while Brian kinda looked strange to me, like very stiffy. I kept asking him if he is ok and he kept saying yes but he didnt seem like it. So I stuck with him, making him eat and drink and talking to keep his mind off the accident. When everyone was gone and his brother was far off on the phone with someone, I saw a tear trickling down Brian's cheek. I asked him what was up but I guessed he was too traumatized to talk or act as if he is ok coz he just broke out sobbing. I was shocked for a micro second that Brian was crying!!! He is one of the bravest guys I know. So I took him in my arms and held him tightly while he sobbed like a baby. I thought he would  pull back coz that's how straight guys are, but he didnt. I held him for like 4,5 minutes while he kept crying and I had

to stand on my toes to reach his height!!. See, he was reliving his past accident all over again and was devastated. I felt realy sorry for the guy.

All the while I kept thinking about the impact. This was my first ever accident. I should have been scared. But all I felt was this rush of adrenaline and a thrill when the car was about to hit the pavement. So now I am planning to go to amusement parks and ride those dodging car thingies to relive this thrill. Told you I am wierd ;)

Fun Fact: This accident hapenned just outside Claire's house :)

Scars

This is going to be a wierd post so please bear with me. I am in a strange mood today.

I have seen many people whose face is covered with pimples or spots. I have seen them get very concious and somtimes depressed due to those pimples and spots. I dont mean to brag, but I have very clear skin. I have actually received compliments on my skin because I dont have spots and thankfully I dont get pimples also. Ofcourse I did get them while growing up but now they seem to hate my face. Thank God. My sister often gets envious of me because she is a teenager and has entered the bad world of pimples. But the reality is something which is not so obvious. My face is not covered in spots and blemishes.......its covered in scars. When I was young, I had this pen which had invisible ink. The ink was only visible under ultra violet light. I sometimes wish such a light existed which would make my scars visible to the outside world. Scars left on me as souviniers by people who I fell in love with.

I have seen many blogs where people write on and on about their past life, their exes and the experiences. I also thought of doing it but honestly I could not bring myself to dedicate a full post to these individuals. I dont think they deserve it. So I am gonna just give a brief description of them. If nothing else, then just to get it out of my system. So here goes......

Claire.

Claire was my high school girlfriend. Yes you read it correct. Girlfriend. There was a time when I tried to walk down the straight path, when I had convinced myself that being gay is only in my head and I just need to find the right girl. One word to describe Claire would be......glee. She was always happy and smiling and trying to make sure that life is full of good times. I loved talking to her, sharing my life with her. She was my go-to person when I needed someone to talk to. Whenever I went to the mall, I would buy things for her because I loved getting her presents. I arranged surprise birthday parties for her. Our families knew about our involvement. And it only made things sweeter because our families got together really well. Me and Claire would often talk about the future. Marriage, babies. Twins. She always wanted twins. I had a blue print of what my life was going to be like. I could see a future. We were together for four years. About a year and a half ago, her parents forced her to get committed to someone who is waaaay richer than me. Dont worry. I am fine.

Moving on
                                                               Travis.

Now this is gonna be a really strange story. Sometimes even I dont understand it completely. Ever since we are children, we read about true love. The one person in this world who can make your heart beat ten times faster in just a second. Your soulmate. The guy who can make you go weak in the knees everytime he stares in your eyes. Whose closeness is something you just cant tolerate because you wanna have him NOW!! I met Travis when I started working in a super mall over here. You know like one of those places that has all the brands? I was just doing my job when I realized that the guy in the opposite outlet is staring at me. As the days went by, I got used to him looking at me and he never disappointed me. When I left for home, all I could do is wait anxiously for the next day and when I would arrive for the job, all I wanted to do was look at him. Time went by, we started talking a bit and then God knows when and I why I fell in love with this guy. Even a look from him made my heart go crazy. Then after a few months he started ignoring. It kinda hit me very hard and after several months of depression I left the job. Dont worry. I am fine.

Moving on.

                                                       Aiden.
I met Aiden in a community on Orkut. We hit it off immediately. We used to send each other messages all the time and as time went on we grew very fond of each other. Then one day he asked me out. I live in Muscat, he was in Karachi. Long distance. Add into it the fact that at this stage of my life I am trying to be a good Muslim and live my life as a gay guy at the same time which leaves no room for sex in my life. Islam forbids sex and I am trying to live how Allah wants me to. Anyways I was very upfront about all this and he said he had no issues. I couldnt believe my luck. I thought I was gonna end up alone and here was a guy who was accepting my and my beliefs. We met over the summer. Had a great time. We even enjoyed alone time and I was very happy to see that not once he tried to force sex on me. I came back to Muscat. After some time we started having problems. Fights and arguments. And about two months back we ended things. Reason? He wanted us to have sex. Now dont get me wrong. Aiden has been a blessing for me in many ways because he made me feel so loved. And I dont hold him responsible at all. Sex is a vital part of a relation. And honestly I knew inside me that this relation wasnt going to work because of the no sex issue. Dont worry. I am fine.

I am sorry for going on and on. I didnt have any intention of splattering my past all over my blog. But today I had a dream about Travis and I cant get his eyes out of my head. The whole day I have spent thinking about him. Oh and tomorrow is Claire's birthday. How am I? Dont worry..........I am fine.........just covered in scars....