Fighting With Myself

In today's world, where we are constantly surrounded by temptation, trying to abstain from sex is not an easy thing to do. You can try and fight your sexual urges, sometimes you win, sometimes you loose. This post is about a few recent experiences I had.

One - Night Stud:

Sometime ago I mentioned a guy in my blog who I was really attracted to. You can read about him here. We met a while ago, had a good time. But with my no-sex deal, we didnt go too far. I didnt expect him to ask me out again. Who would with so many restrictions? But to my surprise he asked me to meet him 2,3 times again. However I excused. I was able to control myself one time. Dont know if I could do it again. Yesterday I got a message from him asking me to meet him. I was tired of refusing so I told him that I am still abstaining. He said he was fine with it. My heart started pounding and immediately a debate started in my head between my religious side which wanted me to refuse and my impulsive side which wants me to enjoy life a bit. My urges won and I said yes. 

As soon as I said yes, it felt like my stomach was filled with lead. I knew that with this guy it was just a physical thing. Just sexual attraction. So why did I say yes. Even though I knew I should've said no, I couldnt fight it anymore. So I tried my level best to ignore the lead in my stomach with "I can control myself." We were talking and then the guy asks me for my number. Which I found weird since we had exchanged numbers a long time ago. He started making excuses and I realized something. I was willing to sin with THIS guy??? Someone who had deleted my number and just wanted to get laid for a night? For him I was willing to break my record and be embarrassed infront of Allah? Oh HELL TO THE NO!!! I told him I would text him and then blocked him. You know the best part of this whole experience? The relief that I felt when I realized I wasnt going to see him. I felt elated, like some huge weight had been lifted off my chest. So I thanked Allah from not letting me make a mistake which I knew I would've regretted. 

French Fetish: 

For a very long time I have had this weird thing for France. The men, the language, the fashion, it all enchants me. I was recently contacted by a guy on Manjam. 28 years old, real cute from the looks of his pics and FRENCH!! I read his message and this image popped up in my mind of him whispering stuff in French in my ear while we.......anyways. After the exchange of pics, he said he would love to meet me. My first impulse was to say YES. It was one of my ultimate fantasies coming true. But then the stupid conscience kicked in and explained how its a bad idea because there is no future here at all with this guy. So I actually refused. I refused the cute French guy!! Ugh, it felt so bad, but I knew it was the right thing to do.

Latin-American Mix:

Just today I was contacted by a guy who said he would be visiting Muscat the next week and that he has a White friend who likes me and wants to meet me. The guy also attached his own pic which I didnt understand why. If he wants me to meet his friend, why would he be sending his own pic? Oh, did I mention that he is a Latino? And hot?!! I have asked him that why didnt his friend contact me then. Waiting for his response. But I know I am gonna refuse. Saying no has sort of become my nature now. So now I have a French guy, a Latino and an American guy asking me out. And I am refusing them!

Heaven better be worth it!!