Anonymity, Lips and Dicks

I live in a country where homosexuality is still not accepted. And frankly I dont think it will ever be accepted in Muslim countries. Which means that gay people over here will always be hidden behind fake pics and names in fear of being exposed. This is how I also entered the gay world on the internet. I had a fake pics and my name was infact "Anonymous". Been living that life for more than a year.

Lately however I have been getting really tired of all this hiding. I see many people on Facebook, Orkut and Manjam who use their own pics as profile pics and I wonder whether they are openly gay or fearless? Coz Oman is a really small place. You are bound to run into someone who knows you or someone else that you know. And still there are people who are not afraid of it. After seeing many such people, I have been getting this urge to use my own pic as well. But I chickened out at the last minute mostly coz of my brother. He is more social than any person I know. Which means he knows alot of people. Every now and then I bump into a cute guy and he turns out to be my brother's friend. So to avoid future complications, I didnt use my face pic. However,me being me, I still wanted to get what I want. I thought about using a body pic like MANY people do. But rejected it the next second. I have waaaaaay more self respect than that. So I cropped one of my pics and focused it entirely on my lips. Now my display pic shows my lips. And every time I see it I cringe coz I sorta feel ashamed for pimping out my lips :P But I HAVE to use some part of me!

It has been around a week or so I guess since my new pic. And since then I have been contacted by people, some of whom were interesting and the others were part of the reason for this post. For me, my new pic represents a part of me. Not sexually. Just a part of me. But for some people, I think it reminds them of blowjobs coz they keep sending me pics of their dicks!! Yes you read it correct! And I actually find it quite wierd coz in the pic my lips arent parted seductively or I dont have my tongue out indicating sexual pleasures! It has been twice now that I start a decent conversation with a guy in a totally friendly way and they email me pics of their penises!! What is up with that?! Before contacting or adding someone, is it no longer a habit of reading their profiles? I read the whole profile before I make a move. But it seems that some people dont. Coz my profile makes it clear that I am not looking for sex. Then why show me your dicks and ask for my body pics?

It is my request to all such people out there that please understand what the other person wants before showing your personal stuff and making inappropriate suggestions. Moreover, if I get to see your dick or ass in just the first few conversations, what interest will there be left in you? No mystery, no discovering of anything. Also, just a reminder in case you havent noticed, your penis belongs in your pants.

On a lighter note, a very happy new year to all of you. May the next year be even more better than 2010 in all respects!

Out of Hand

Hey peeps!!! Sorry for being missing in action for such a long time. Was battling with exams. Thank God the exam period is over. Sadly it didnt go too well. But result is not coming out till 2 months. So I am gonna enjoy my time as much as I can before the dreaded results are out. Anyways. Now lemme get to the topic of this post.

We all have childhood friends with whom the friendship bond is much deeper and stronger than the friendships you develop later in your life. Atleast that's what I think. Childhood friends know you from Adam. They always have a special place in your heart. I have two such friends. One is Brian, whom I mentioned previously on my blog. The other one is Chris. I am giving him the name of Chris coz I am a die hard fan of Grey's Anatomy and Chris to me is like Cristina is to Meredith. Yes if I kill someone I would definitely call him to drag the body with me :) Chris knows that I am gay and he has been there for me so many times that I cant even imagine me being where I am today if I didnt have him. Brian, Chris and I have been friends since 4rth grade. Seen many ups and downs together.

I mentioned previously that I had a huge thing for Brian. That's all a thing of the past now. I love him as a friend and I love his girlfriend as well. Both of them are a cute couple. A few days ago Brian and Chris came over to my place to hang out after a very long time. We usually meet outside but my sister was alone at home so I couldnt leave. We were all lying on my bed talking and I started teasing Chris with my foot. No not sexual teasing. Just how friends play around. He was getting irritated and I was totally enjoying myself :) Suddenly Brian gets up, pins me to the bed and stuck his hand between my legs! No he wasnt grabbing my dick. His hands were going towards my ass. For a few micro seconds I was totally shocked that what just hapenned. Then I pulled his hand from between my thighs and he started playfullly wreslting me. At this point Chris went to the other bed.

Me and Brian have often wrestled before. God knows why he does that but I fully participate partly coz I love the warmth of his body. Now he was lying beside me and he was totally covering Chris's view. At one point I just got tired of struggling and told him he can do whatever he wants to! I knew he would back off seeing that I am not stopping him from touching me. He didnt. He unbuckled my belt. I waited for him to freak out and stop. Then he unbuttoned my jeans. To give him a taste of the freaking out I was experiencing internally, I placed my hand on his crotch expecting him to jump back. He kinda spread his legs! I freaked further and withdrew my hand. But I was pretty curious to see what was on his mind. He slid down the zip of my jeans. My heart was thudding in my skull! But I kept a very cool face so he wouldnt realize that I wont budge and stop doing what ever he is doing! He opened my jeans and placed his hand on my underwear. I  couldnt think straight and just kep waiting for him to stop. He looked at me, smiled and then quickly dug his hand inside my underwear towards my dick! I didnt hesitate for a microsecond and grabbed his hand just before he could feel my dick and I started tugging it out of my underwear. He kept pushing his hand further trying to overcome my force and go back in. I knew he would win coz he is stronger than me so i twisted my body and got his hand out! I think at that point he realized what he was doing coz he laughed and stopped doing it!

Chris had no idea what had hapenned. When I told him later I expected to get an earful of "dont think much bout it", "he was just joking" or "You know how Brian is. He is stupid". But Chris was more shocked than I have ever seen him! He just couldnt understand what had gotten into Brian. Niether could I. I thought about talking to Brian but then thought what's the point. I know he is a man whore for women :P

I have seen some pretty strange behaviour of a few straight guys. One of my cousins tried to kiss me when we started living together even though he is straight and that led to many nights of hot sex. Now Brian did this. What do straight guys want??? You are into VAGINAS!!!!! DONT FORGET THAT!!! Oh and to Brian.....STOP MESSING WITH MY HEAD!!!

Friends With Benefits

Wow. It has been a loooooong time since I blogged. Life is pretty dull nowadays because I have exams in December. So all I do nowadays is study, study, study. The other day I was watching Grey's Anatomy and something in it got my mind to start working again. Friends with benefits.

What are friends with benefits? Nothing special or out of the ordinary. They are just regular close friends. With whom you sometimes have sex. Nowadays the concept of friends with benefits has become very common. If you are a fan of english series like Sex and the City and Grey's Anatomy, you know what I am talking about. Two people are real good friends who are there for each other. Who help each other out, lend a shoulder to cry on. And then they have casual sex. Which by the way is a term that I dont understand. How is sex casual? You are getting naked in front of  a person. You are are letting them touch your private parts, do things to you which are very personal. Oh but its all very casual!??? Seriously? And even if you are friends with someone with whom you have sex, how do you not develop feelings for them?

So to all the people out there who have friends and enjoy benefits with them, I wanna know how do you maintain it? How do you not develop feelings for someone with who you share your body? Are you friends, lovers or just plain confused and horny? :P No offense to anyone. Til the next post, keep it safe people!

Loosing My Virginity

It been a long while since I posted anything. Nothing worth posting hapenned. Yeserday however an incident made me wanna write about my experience of loosing my virginity. Now now, dont just reach the conclusion that this post is gonna be about my first sexual experience! It is about my first ever car accident experience which hapenned yesterday.

We hear everyday about car accidents. They have become very common. Especially in Oman. I think Oman is third on the list of most dangerous accidents or something. My own brother has been in 2,3 accidents. One of my best friends, lets call him Brian, had a very major accident some months ago. He was injured physically as well as traumatized. Now before I go into details about my experience, lemme tell you something about Brian. He was my high school crush. Sadly he is straight. But I think he was kinda curious while growing up coz he used to do really strange non-straight things like carressing my thigh with his foot, slowly breathing over my neck or lightly carressing my chest when I wasnt looking. Plus there was one time when he really was trying to get me to kiss him by challenging me that I cant. And I wud've, had my other friend's younger brother not been there. Anyways, Brian is kinda like my ideal dream guy. He is atleast 6 feet (in any case, taller than me and I am 5'8" I think), really good looking, gorgeous hair, protective nature and he smells really good :P Now I am over him. It was a crush and I grew out of it some years back. Today he has a girlfriend who is really a very good person and I adore them as a couple. Back to the accident.....

Brian had come to pick his girlfriend up from our college and had asked me to come along too. We were near his girfriend's home but instead of taking the regular turn, Brian went straight. So his girlfriend asked him,

"Where are you going? Are you going for the park thing we discussed?"......

which I didnt understand coz Brian didnt reply and just kept going straight. There was another turning to the right which Brian had to take and I think he was day dreaming coz he suddenly realized he was about to miss the turning and he spun the steering wheel like crazy towards the turning. Now ordinarily we would have made the turning....if our speed had been a little less. All I remember is us heading towards the turning, not totally making it, then there were screeches, crazy turning of the steering wheel, me bracing myself coz I could see us heading towards the pavement and then there was a loud impact noise. What hapenned next really wierded me out. As soon as the car came to a stop, I turned towards the back seat and asked Brian's girlfriend...."Is this the park thing you had discussed?" Everyone was quite for a second and then we all burst out laughing and I was thinking to myself "Dude, whats wrong with you! You just had an accident, your leg is hurt and you are cracking jokes!!" which kinda confirmed my suspicion that I am a little crazy :P

All of us got out of the car, everyone was ok except the car. I walked Brian's girlfriend to her house which was nearby while Brian called his brother. And then we waited for his brother, then his friends who checked the car out, then the tow truck guys. All the while Brian kinda looked strange to me, like very stiffy. I kept asking him if he is ok and he kept saying yes but he didnt seem like it. So I stuck with him, making him eat and drink and talking to keep his mind off the accident. When everyone was gone and his brother was far off on the phone with someone, I saw a tear trickling down Brian's cheek. I asked him what was up but I guessed he was too traumatized to talk or act as if he is ok coz he just broke out sobbing. I was shocked for a micro second that Brian was crying!!! He is one of the bravest guys I know. So I took him in my arms and held him tightly while he sobbed like a baby. I thought he would  pull back coz that's how straight guys are, but he didnt. I held him for like 4,5 minutes while he kept crying and I had

to stand on my toes to reach his height!!. See, he was reliving his past accident all over again and was devastated. I felt realy sorry for the guy.

All the while I kept thinking about the impact. This was my first ever accident. I should have been scared. But all I felt was this rush of adrenaline and a thrill when the car was about to hit the pavement. So now I am planning to go to amusement parks and ride those dodging car thingies to relive this thrill. Told you I am wierd ;)

Fun Fact: This accident hapenned just outside Claire's house :)

Scars

This is going to be a wierd post so please bear with me. I am in a strange mood today.

I have seen many people whose face is covered with pimples or spots. I have seen them get very concious and somtimes depressed due to those pimples and spots. I dont mean to brag, but I have very clear skin. I have actually received compliments on my skin because I dont have spots and thankfully I dont get pimples also. Ofcourse I did get them while growing up but now they seem to hate my face. Thank God. My sister often gets envious of me because she is a teenager and has entered the bad world of pimples. But the reality is something which is not so obvious. My face is not covered in spots and blemishes.......its covered in scars. When I was young, I had this pen which had invisible ink. The ink was only visible under ultra violet light. I sometimes wish such a light existed which would make my scars visible to the outside world. Scars left on me as souviniers by people who I fell in love with.

I have seen many blogs where people write on and on about their past life, their exes and the experiences. I also thought of doing it but honestly I could not bring myself to dedicate a full post to these individuals. I dont think they deserve it. So I am gonna just give a brief description of them. If nothing else, then just to get it out of my system. So here goes......

Claire.

Claire was my high school girlfriend. Yes you read it correct. Girlfriend. There was a time when I tried to walk down the straight path, when I had convinced myself that being gay is only in my head and I just need to find the right girl. One word to describe Claire would be......glee. She was always happy and smiling and trying to make sure that life is full of good times. I loved talking to her, sharing my life with her. She was my go-to person when I needed someone to talk to. Whenever I went to the mall, I would buy things for her because I loved getting her presents. I arranged surprise birthday parties for her. Our families knew about our involvement. And it only made things sweeter because our families got together really well. Me and Claire would often talk about the future. Marriage, babies. Twins. She always wanted twins. I had a blue print of what my life was going to be like. I could see a future. We were together for four years. About a year and a half ago, her parents forced her to get committed to someone who is waaaay richer than me. Dont worry. I am fine.

Moving on
                                                               Travis.

Now this is gonna be a really strange story. Sometimes even I dont understand it completely. Ever since we are children, we read about true love. The one person in this world who can make your heart beat ten times faster in just a second. Your soulmate. The guy who can make you go weak in the knees everytime he stares in your eyes. Whose closeness is something you just cant tolerate because you wanna have him NOW!! I met Travis when I started working in a super mall over here. You know like one of those places that has all the brands? I was just doing my job when I realized that the guy in the opposite outlet is staring at me. As the days went by, I got used to him looking at me and he never disappointed me. When I left for home, all I could do is wait anxiously for the next day and when I would arrive for the job, all I wanted to do was look at him. Time went by, we started talking a bit and then God knows when and I why I fell in love with this guy. Even a look from him made my heart go crazy. Then after a few months he started ignoring. It kinda hit me very hard and after several months of depression I left the job. Dont worry. I am fine.

Moving on.

                                                       Aiden.
I met Aiden in a community on Orkut. We hit it off immediately. We used to send each other messages all the time and as time went on we grew very fond of each other. Then one day he asked me out. I live in Muscat, he was in Karachi. Long distance. Add into it the fact that at this stage of my life I am trying to be a good Muslim and live my life as a gay guy at the same time which leaves no room for sex in my life. Islam forbids sex and I am trying to live how Allah wants me to. Anyways I was very upfront about all this and he said he had no issues. I couldnt believe my luck. I thought I was gonna end up alone and here was a guy who was accepting my and my beliefs. We met over the summer. Had a great time. We even enjoyed alone time and I was very happy to see that not once he tried to force sex on me. I came back to Muscat. After some time we started having problems. Fights and arguments. And about two months back we ended things. Reason? He wanted us to have sex. Now dont get me wrong. Aiden has been a blessing for me in many ways because he made me feel so loved. And I dont hold him responsible at all. Sex is a vital part of a relation. And honestly I knew inside me that this relation wasnt going to work because of the no sex issue. Dont worry. I am fine.

I am sorry for going on and on. I didnt have any intention of splattering my past all over my blog. But today I had a dream about Travis and I cant get his eyes out of my head. The whole day I have spent thinking about him. Oh and tomorrow is Claire's birthday. How am I? Dont worry..........I am fine.........just covered in scars....

To Kiss Or Not To Kiss

Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other.  ~Rene Yasenek


The sound of a kiss is not so loud as that of a cannon, but its echo lasts a great deal longer.  ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., The Professor at the Breakfast-Table

                                            

Aaaah. Kiss. Such a wonderous gift given to us by nature. It increases the feeling of intimacy between two people. A kiss can tell you if a person is not interested or is dying to just rip apart your clothes and have you. Since the last few days, I have been seeing alot about kisses. One of my facebook communities has done 2,3 articles on kisses, I saw people kissing so lovingly and tenderly on the telly and just now I got to know that Glee's next episode has the title "Never Been Kissed". So all this pushed me into writing a post about kissing.

I have been with quite a number of guys in my past. You wont be entirely wrong if you would call me a slut. But that is me in the past. The me in the present is a totally different person. Back in those days I had just discovered my freedom as I was away from home due to studies. There was no one to keep an eye on my comings and goings and so I did what most people do when they discover that no one is keeping track of their time. I had sex. Lolz. Now I am not saying that everyone does this. I however did it. I am not proud of it but yes I did learn a few lessons during those times.

I think that the first thing we learn about human intimacy is about kissing. Its a very common thing and we see it when we are children enjoying cartoons. I remember being fascinated by Eric and Ariel kissing in The Little Mermaid. It seemed to be such a magical thing. Two people locking their lips together and just being lost in each others arms. As we grow older, we come face to face with porn. Which makes kissing seem all more real and fascinating. Add into it the hoop-la of the whole first kiss deal created by movies and series. All this makes kissing seem like the best thing in the world. Yet from my experience, I got to know that not many people out there know how to kiss! Lemme tell you about three guys which stood out for me. You know, for your enjoyment ;)

Guy no. 1: This guy is someone who I hold very close to my heart till today. You can say he is the best sex I have ever had. I just wish he knew how to kiss! We kissed quite alot and with tongue. Sounds good right? Well it didnt feel good because he would insert his tongue very deep in my mouth! So deep that at many times I gagged!! And still he never understood.


                                          


Guy No. 2: Another one of my experiences to which I look back and smile coz it was a good time. He however didnt know how to kiss as well. He would kiss softly......then open his mouth and do something which felt like he was lickin all my mouth. He wouldnt stay on the lips. He would start going all over and around my lips and I didnt have the heart to tell him because I didnt wanna hurt him. So, every chance that I got, I would quickly wipe off all his saliva on my face from my sleeve. Eeek.

Guy No. 3: Now this guy was the cherry on the cake. He was kind of a good kisser. But one faux pas made it impossible for me to ever kiss him. We were kissing.......and he burped in my mouth!! How disgusting!!! Such a HUGE turnoff!!!

I am not claiming at all that I am a good kisser. I am just sharing my experiences. If you wanna know whether I am a good or bad kisser, you either have to kiss me or ask my exes :P But to all the guys out there, I am asking you very humbly and as a friend. Please learn how to be a good kisser. Watch couples kissing and learn. Because you will be kissing your boyfriend, girlfriend or life partner alot of times. And if it is not good, then it wont be enjoyable.

If Only He Was Gay

One thing that you should know about me is that I am not exactly the friendliest guy on earth. I am reserved but not rude. If someone asks me something, I politely answer. But I dont make friends easily. I have seen many people who gell up with other people in a matter of minutes. I need my time to get comfortable with the other person.

I started going to the gym around 8 months ago. Now a gym is a place where apparently people make friends. I just wanted to get a good physique. So I used my best weapon to block out everyone at the gym. My headphones. I realized that if you keep listening to music and have earphones plugged in your ears, people tend not to disturb you. So far I was being successful. Ofcourse I am not exactly an ass you know. I do say hi hello to people that I have been seeing for a long time in the gym. A few days ago, one of these guys made an effort to take it to the next level. Lets call him Fred. He is an Omani and doesnt speak fluent english but he told me that he wants to work out with me so we can help each other out. Initially for like 2,3 seconds I didnt know what to say. Someone was trying to get through my barriers! But I felt rude in declining so I said ok while wondering that how on earth are we gonna talk coz I dunno Arabic and he is not well versed in English!

Anyways we started working out the next day. It was kinda ok. But then after that we couldnt meet up for 2,3 days due to my classes. Yesterday we were both at the gym and again he said he wanted to work out together! Crap. I was kinda hoping it wouldnt come up again. So we met today and worked out together. It was.....different. He helped me out whenever it was getting difficult for me. The most wierd part was when we were doing chest exercises. I would lie on the bench and he would come and stand over my head with his legs apart and his crotch a little to close to my face!! I would keep repeating "I hate this position" in my head! When we changed positions, I would make extra efforts to keep my distance from his face. But Fred didnt seem to notice how close he always came!

After the workout, we both left. My house is at a 10 minutes walk from the gym and I always go back walking. When I saw Fred in his car, I started staring towards the ground and walking quickly so that the "shall I drop you" part doesnt come. I was walking by the lane on which the cars were coming. He was on the lane on which the cars were going. I kept walking and then suddenly this car came from behind and stopped right near my legs!! I looked back with a "what the fuck?!" expression and saw him grinning! He had actually come after me and instead of stopping on the opposite road and just honking and getting my attention, he came on the wrong side of the road and stopped his car! To make matters worst, there was already a car on this road and Fred was in his way now. I looked at Fred, he offerred to drop me even though my house would be out of the way for him. I declined. He insisted. I again said thank you but declined coz my house was nearby. So he smiled and left. Meanwhile the other guy just waited while we talked and kept glaring at Fred! Oops :P

After all this when I came home, I was thinking how romantic it is to be treated like this. That someone goes out of their way (literally in my case :P) to be nice to you. Sighs. If only he was gay......it would've felt like a movie. But after my past relation fiascos, I am so not making any more assumptions. If someone likes me, they gotta say it to my face instead of making me guess. Anyways I am not even saying he was gay and this is his romantic gesture. I am just sayin that....if felt nice. And I enjoyed it :)

The Natural Way

I have heard alot about homophobes ever since I joined d e-world. I have even seen homophobes on tv. But lately I personally got to meet my very first homophobe. There is a girl in my class and we recently started talking. She sends me text messages every day now which kinda bugs me because I dont wanna lead her on. Anyways, we were talking and at one point she made a joke about her not being into her girlfriend. So basically she said that she isnt a lesbian. I told her that even if she was, it doesnt matter to me. So this was her reply:

"Hey!! What do you mean it doesnt matter??? I like the natural way. Guys like girls and girls like guys. I hate the in-betweens!!! Yuck! Yuck!!!"

So according to her being gay is not natural. Hmmmm. It got me thinking that may be I am sufferring from amnesia. Because I dont remember the time when I was mutated by a mad scientist into being a gay guy from a straight guy!!

Faith.....And Lack Of It

Its been a while since I blogged. Nothing really worth blogging hapenned until a few days ago. And this incident is something I just cant stop myself from blogging about. I recently saw the episode "Grilled Cheesus" of Glee's new season. Now dont get me wrong. This post is NOT against Glee. I love Glee more than any program I have ever seen and I connect to it at many levels. This is just about something in it that got me thinking. It was basically about religion and how people believe in God and how some people dont. I have always been a very strong believer in God. And I try my best to mould my life according to how he wants me to live it. But ofcourse I am not always successful. Hello, human here. Anyways, in that episode somethings hit home really hard. Like how Kurt says he doesnt believe in God because if there is a God then why would he make him gay and then tell his followers that gay people are bad. And especially the part where Sue says that she prayed but nothing hapennd so she prayed harder only to realize that she wasnt praying incorrectly, there just wasnt anyone out there who was listening.

I have been aware of my sexuality even since I was 16 years old. For a long time I kept praying that I become "normal". That what I feel for guys, goes away. That never hapenned. Time after time someone would come along, make me fall in love with them and then walk away without telling me how to fall out of love. I prayed that the pain would go away.....that didnt happen either. So I started wondering, is there really no one out there? That we just made up this concept of God because we need to turn to someone when we cant find the solutions of our problems? Yes, I did loose my faith.

                                                       

After some time I decided to check out my emails. One of my cousins had sent me an email about God. Usually I delete such emails without reading them. But I had this thought that ok lets read this one and then I can delete it. It was a story about a guy. And here is how it goes:

"A young man had been to Wednesday Night Class of Quranic Studies.

 The Muslim (Scholar) had shared about listening to Allah and obeying Allah through intuition. The young man couldn't help but wonder, 'Does Allah still speak to people through intuition?' After Lessons, he went out with some friends for coffee and pie and they discussed the message.. Several different ones talked about how Allah had led them in different ways and that at the end you'll know it was Allah (SWT) Who has directed you. It was about ten o'clock when the young man started driving home. Sitting in his car, he just began to pray, 'Allah...If you still speak to people, speak to me. I will listen. I will do my best to obey.' As he drove down the main street of his town, he had the strangest thought to stop and buy a gallon of milk. He shook his head and said out loud, 'Allah is that you?' He didn't get a reply and started on toward home. But again, the thought, buy a gallon of milk came into his head. 'Okay, Allah, in case that is you, I will buy the milk.' It didn't seem like too hard a test of obedience. He could always use the milk. He stopped and purchased the gallon of milk and started off toward home. As he passed Seventh Street, he again felt the urge, 'Turn Down that street.' This is crazy he thought, and drove on past the intersection. Again, he felt that he should turn down Seventh Street. At the next intersection, he turned back and headed down Seventh. Half jokingly, he said out loud, 'Okay, Allah, I will.' He drove several blocks, when suddenly, he felt like he should stop. He pulled over to the curb and looked around. He was in a semi-commercial area of town. It wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst of neighbourhoods either. The businesses were closed and most of the houses looked dark like the people were already in bed. Again, he sensed something, 'Go and give the milk to the people in the house across the street.' The young man looked at the house. It was dark and it looked like the people were either gone or they were already asleep. He started to open the door and then sat back in the car seat. 'Allah, this is insane. Those people are asleep and if I wake them up, they are going to be mad and I will look stupid.' Again, he felt like he should go and give the milk.

Finally, he opened the door, 'Okay Allah (SWT), if this is you, I will go to the door and I will give them the milk. If you want me to look like a crazy person, okay. I want to be obedient. I guess that will  count for something, but if they don't answer right away, I am out of here.'  He walked across the street and rang the bell. He could hear some noise inside. A man's voice yelled out, 'Who is it? What do you want?' Then the door opened before the young man could get away.The man was standing there in his jeans and T-shirt. He looked like he just got out of bed. He had a strange look on his face and he didn't seem too happy to have some stranger standing on his doorstep. 'What is it?' The young man thrust out the gallon of milk, 'Here, I brought this to you.' The man took the milk and rushed down a hallway. Then from down the hall came a woman carrying the milk toward the kitchen. The man was following her holding a baby. The baby was crying. The man had tears streaming down his face. The man began speaking and half crying, 'We were just praying.We had some big bills this month and we ran out of money. We didn't have any milk for our baby. I was just praying and asking Allah (SWT) to show me how to get some milk.' His wife in the kitchen yelled out, 'I ask him to send an Angel with some milk. Are you an Angel?' The young man reached into his wallet and pulled out all the money he had on him and put in the man's hand. He turned and walked back toward his car and the tears were streaming down his face. He knew that Allah (SWT) still answers prayers. "

After reading this, I sat speechless for 20 seconds while goosebumps erupted all over my body like someone was throwing ice cold water on me. It was then that I realized that Allah DOES listen. He saw that my faith was shaken, he pointed me to check my email and then he showed me that he does listen. All we need is a little faith in him. I think there are many people out there who are loosing their faith over one thing or another. So I hope this story and my own experience helps in restoring their faith.

Facts and Fiction

I have always been a believer of a monogamous life. You know, the happily ever after with the perfect guy? Your soulmate? The guy with whom I can spend all of my life. The guy with whom I connect at every level emotionally. Who is there all warm and inviting every night in our bed. When I get up, the first thing I see is him sleeping soundly beside me. Watching telly with him at night with my head on his shoulder or the other way around. Sigh. Such a beautiful picture.

But lately this picture seems to be fading away. The more and more I am interacting with gay people out there, the more obvious its becoming that I belonged to 1930's! People nowadays arent exactly looking for a soulmate. They are looking for a bedmate. And that also for one night. I made an account on Facebook. Usually I am not a very social kinda guy. But since a few days I have been thinkin to let out my social streak and see what is out there that the e-world has to offer. I was contacted by many people. Everyday I was added by atleast 5,6 people. But when I started talking to them.....well lets just say I was brought back to reality pretty quickly. They werent interested in who I am, what are my interests, what am I looking for and all that. They were however interested in whether I am a top or a bottom, where do I live, whats my phone number, what are my likes in bed etc. A 14 year old kid claimed that he can be my true love and we can "be together forever". A 32 year old married guy wanted to "connect" with me. People about my age were surprised that I am "gay and looking for friends"???!! Oh my god! How could such a travesty occur right?!! If I have to express my experience in one word.....I would call it a disaster!

So now I am left wondering if I will ever find another person like me. Dont get me wrong. I am not one of those "I will end up alone" drama queens! Even if I do end up alone I know I will be fine because I know I can take care of myself. But still, for a change it would have been nice to have someone who takes care of me. At the very least I had my happy-ever-after image that I could hold on to. I have heard so many times that good men are either married or gay. Well to them I would say good men are either promiscuous or..........well they are only promiscuous! :)

Oh and in case you are wondering, I am still gonna believe in people who are holding out for more than just one night stands. I just wont be looking for them anymore because I read somewhere that if you go looking for something, you dont find it. However you come face to face with it when you are least expecting it. So lets see if this really does work :) 

About Me

I was thinkin about what should I blog about first. There seem to be too many thoughts in my head. But then I decided to blog about myself first....give you an idea about what my blog is gonna be all about. I am a 23 year old guy living in Oman. Been here all my life. I am hopefully gonna finish my studies by next year and then make every effort to be the richest man alive ;)

I am gay and a Muslim. Which means I face a contant battle between doing what I want and doing what is right since Islam doesnt tolerate homosexuality. I have tried walking down the straight path but thats a story for another post. Life has shown me many ups and downs. Some of which I didnt even deserve. But life sucks for everyone right? I try to keep a positive atitude about it all. I read somewhere that if life gives you lemons, make lemon pies. They never told you how badly you get burnt while makin those friggin pies!

Like everyone else, I too am looking for answers. But they dont come easy. So till I get my answers, I am gonna blog about stuff in my life. This blog is gonna be about anything which has either inspired me or depressed me enough to bitch about it. Hope you enjoy my bitching. Cheers.