We are living in a machine age. Its astonishing to see how much man has progressed. Sky scrapers have replaced caves. Animal skin and leaves are out, Dolce & Gabbana is in. Cars have freed animals from their slavery, in most parts. Whether its technology or medicine, things have developed by leaps and bounds. Women are walking shoulder to shoulder with men.I have heard the phrase "equality for all" so many times. But have we really progressed? Or is it just an illusion?
A few days ago I met up with a friend of mine who is committed to a wonderful girl. At one point he mentioned that she wanted to work so she can get experience and he gave her an idea about how she can do it at home if she wanted to. Which seemed reasonable. So I asked him that were they gonna open an office in their home after they get married so she can work? To which he replies, "Are you crazy? I wont let her work after marriage." I asked him why not, if she was working from home. He says, "She should stay at home and raise our children. I want them to have a good up-bringing."
Every Ramadan, my old school organizes a cricket tournament which is open for all and lasts the whole month. I, not being into sports at all, dont bother going. One day the girlfriend of another guy I know informed him that she is going to the tournament with her friends. She knew that the crowd isnt too good over there so she wanted my friend to come along as well. He got super pissed that she decided herself to go there saying things like "I'll break her license!!" It seemed like he wanted her to do exactly what he says. Like a cute, well-trained pet.
Some time ago I came a cross a very weird piece of information. Women in Saudi Arab are not allowed to drive cars. Only men can get licenses in Saudi Arab. Now I dunno if the rule applies throughout the country or just some parts of it. But even if it is some parts, I really dont understand the point of it. If someone is a single mother, then what does she do? Or if there is an emergency and all the men are out, then what?
Every guy has a picture of the girl he would like to marry in the future. She is perfect in every sense. But how many of these men themselves are perfect? If a man has many affairs, he is called a stud whereas a girl would be labeled slut. No matter how many relations we have had in the past, we want our wives to be completely "pure" and untouched. Hell some guys cant even tolerate it if their girlfriends talk to other guys. What logic is this?? It seems like all men want to do is control women. Tell them what to do and what not to do, how to sit, whom to talk to, where to go, what to wear etc.
I saw this pic of Heather Morris depicting violence against women. I was reading the comments from people to see the general reaction. One particular comment caught my eye.
" She looks like my woman when I come home from work and dinner isnt on the table."
Man has made a lot of progress. We have branded clothes, cars, nice jobs, awesome houses. But the hypocrisy and the misogynist attitude is still there in many men.
Hey peeps!!!!!!!!! I am baaaaack!!!! Did u miss me? Your only option is yes and yes :p And I missed you all too. Just a brief recap of what all happened in this almost two months hiatus. Had my exams. Sadly they didnt go as well as I would've liked. But I aint thinking much about them. Will deal with it when result comes. Brian and I have drifted apart but that's a topic for another post. I got a new short hair do and I like it even if some people dont :p
A few years ago I was living in Pakistan with my relatives for higher education. Me and my cousin, who is just a year younger to me, shared his room. He was very accommodating and gave me every freedom that I would've exercised in my house. We werent too friendly before that but when you start living in the same room, you sort of come close. One day I dont know what got into him but he started cornering me and trying to kiss me. I thought he was kidding or it was some wierd straight guy thing. I have seen straight guys goofing around with each other. I kept backing off and he kept trying so it felt like a game. At one point I got tired of backing off so I said "you wanna kiss me? ok, kiss me!" and I stopped backing off. I expected him to stop seeing that I am not budging. But he just kissed me. Colour me shocked!!
One thing led to another and we ended up having sex. It didnt stop that night. See he is an only child which means him and me were alone in his room at night. I stayed there for almost two years and I cant even count how many nights we spent together. Somewhere along the way, it became more than just sex. With him it didnt feel like just sex, he always made it intimate. And I think it is true that there is no such thing as sex without feelings. When you are naked with someone, you are totally exposed, you have shared your everything with them. How can you not develop feelings? Especially when you live together. He used to take care of me, pamper me, tease me all day long just to get on my nerves. We even fulfilled a few of each other's fantasies but lets not get into details :p
As is the rule of the world, all good things must come to an end. One day he just laid down on the bed with me, held me close and explained why we needed to stop doing this due to religious reasons. I knew what he was saying was true so I couldnt argue. He spoke for about 10 minutes, asked me if I was ok. I said yes. He then said I will always be special to him, kissed me a last time and this chapter got over. I was crushed because I had grown very very fond of him. It was after that day that I started abstaining from sex.
Recently it has come to my knowledge that he is about to get married soon. And its a love marriage. When I first heard about it I was depressed the whole day. Why? I really have no idea. Its been three years so we arent that close anymore. Plus it is sort of awkward between us because now we behave like it never happened. I guess its more of a territorial thingy. A few days ago the girl's family had gone to visit our extended family (grand parents, aunts and all) to check out the family and to seal the deal I guess. That day I just felt like I was under water. I couldnt help but compare how our lives have changed since then. He has completed his education, might be heading off to Dubai to get settled, is going to get married soon to someone he loves, would probably have children soon and live his life. I, on the other hand, still have half of my course left, cant find a permanent job until I complete my studies, might be deported to Pakistan in a year because the Oman government is creating issues for family visa renewal for people over 21, no marriage or love or kids in the future. That was a day of indulging in self-pity. But I am over it now.
Every year we go back to Pakistan for vacations. I had plans of going this year as well. But this whole deal with my cousin is making me double minded. Everyone would expect me to be happy and excited for him especially because we lived together for two years. Dont get me wrong, I am happy for him. Everyone deserves to find love and live their lives happily. But how can I be and show my happiness like everyone else is showing? It all cheering and teasing and laughing. And I dont feel it. But then again, not going to Pakistan because of this reason would be running away or hiding. And I dont wanna be that person. So I might go for a short period.
I just received a text from him as I am about to finish off this post. He says "Hey mate! Why arent you coming to Pakistan? Come for a few days, it'll be fun."
By the way, it would help to know what would you guys do if you were in my shoes. Thanks alot. And also thanks to everyone who pushed me to start blogging again. Love ya all!!
Ok. So I have been delaying this post for some time because publishing it would mean it's done. But cant delay it anymore. The gaps between my posts have been growing. My last post was more than two weeks ago. Its obvious that my blog's life is coming to an end. Not because I dont have any new topics. There is a lot of stuff going on in my life which I would love to share with you all. But sadly I dont have the time anymore. My exams are in June and nowadays all my energy is focused on studying. Which doesnt give me time to blog anymore. And yes, blogging is time consuming. First you arrange your thoughts (which already is such a difficult task with my mushy brain), then you type it all out (me being me, I edit ALOT) and most time consuming is choosing an appropriate picture from hundreds (such a difficult task looking at hot naked men).
I have seen quite a few blogs which just die out. The blogger just stops publishing posts and thats it. I dont want that to happen to my blog because it and all of you have been an important part of my life since the last few months. It deserves a proper end. Not necessarily an end since I might continue blogging after my exams. But thats after two months. And knowing myself, I know I'll probably stop. So I thought I'd end it with a shout out to all of you who ever read my blog. After all, I wouldnt have yapped on and on about my life if you guys werent there to read it and offer suggestions or encouragement. So, thank you. All of you who are following my blog, reading it, liking it, commenting on it and helping me. I love each and everyone of you for being my support group and helping me through me issues. Here is a shout out to a few individuals without thanking whom, I cant end it.
Phunk Factor. You have been my guardian angel ever since we met. You made me start blogging and I discovered that I do have a talent and people like it. I cant thank you enough for that. You have always been and I know you will remain, my biggest supporter always. Love ya dude!!
Derric. My one true gay friend in Oman. Even though we sometimes dont agree, you are always there for me when I need ya.
Eros. Even though you rarely comment on my blog, I know you follow it and thanks for being there for me always :)
Samuel Khan. You are SUCH a positive person! All your glowing has made this small bubble of hope inside me and I am grateful to you for it. Plus you give me strength with your devotion to Allah.
Andrea (Andy). My only girl friend who knows I am gay. I love knowing you and treasure your words of wisdom.
Adeel. Your words of encouragement and support always made me feel so warm and happy. And you write awesome mate!
Boi NextDoor. Even though we rarely ever had a chat, I feel like I have a deep connection with you because you have been following my blog since day one. Thank you!
Also to Haider Ali, Dominic, Faisal, Justin, Joshua, Clink, Sam Amk, Chuck, Michael and everyone else who ever read my blog, a BIG thanks from the depth of my heart. If I forgot anyone then please forgive me. I literally checked most of my posts to make this list :p
For those of you who are getting sad, I might be back after my exams. Who knows. I just wanted to thank you all. So my bloggy friends, take care of yourselves, live life to the fullest and most importantly, have safe sex! :p Loads of love, this is Aaron Khan, signing out.
Been wondering for a few days what to blog about. Life just seems to be full of crap and it just keeps piling and piling. You get through one problem and it seems as if there are two new ones. Just focusing on all your problems is enough to bring anyone down. I for one am tired of blogging about the difficulties I am going through. This is going to be a happy blog post :) For the last few days I have been looking for reasons to be happy And that gave me the idea for this blog. I am going to post 5 things that make me happy. So that whenever I feel down, I can go back to this post and see that its not so bad. So, lets get on with it:
1. Series
I have been a tv-series addict for a very long time.Grey's Anatomy, Glee, Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Friends are among my top favorite series. Whenever I watch a show, all my issues seem irrelevant. I get totally absorbed in what's happening with the characters. I feel their pain and happiness. And the best part is that in just 40 minutes, they are able to solve their problems. Which sort of gives me hope that bad times will go away. Moreover, watch series such as Friends and Glee and its literally impossible to be depressed anymore.
2. Music
Best creation of mankind. Even though listening to music is a sin in Islam, I dont think I can ever let go of it. Music is a part of my soul. All day long I have ear phones plugged in. Music has the power to change your mood more than anything. You can go from depressed to happy by just changing the track. Dance has always been one of my passions. So whenever I play a dance number, I just cant stop myself from shaking my groove thing :p And whenever I am alone at home, I put on music,sing and dance. Its so liberating! Happy times.
3. Gym
Two years ago if you had told me I would become a gym lover, I would have laughed. But now, I am slowly becoming addicted to it. If I dont go any day, I start feeling guilty as if I am doing something wrong. I read in an article that physical exercise releases endorphins in your brain which are like stress releasers. So you end up feeling positive instead of sad. This has actually been tested by me. Yesterday I was totally down and didnt feel like doing anything. Still I went to the gym and when I came home, I realized my mood had lifted. Also, when you see your body getting shapely, it alone is enough to make you happy :p
4. Chris.
Chris has been my soul mate friend since childhood. He is the one I go to whenever I need 2 vent about anything. Talking to him makes my problems look smaller and easier to over-come. He always listens quietly while I rant and babble. And once I am done, I feel so light. Technically he isnt a "thing". But he is someone who cheers me up.
5. Fireworks
Ok I know this one is really weird and some people might think it as lame. But there is something really enchanting about fireworks. We had a firework competition in Oman in December. Australia, Italy and France were among the competing countries. The competition was held at a park and would start at 8. People would be yapping, children would be crying and the park would be full of hustle and bustle. But once the show started, everyone would just shut up. And for the next 30 minutes, the whole world would stop existing for me and I would be totally lost in the beautiful shapes, designs and colors of the fireworks. And God knows why, but it always left me with a warm and glowy bubble inside me.
So that was my list of 5 things that cheer me up. Now you should think of 5 things that make you happy. Everybody's life is full of problems. Everybody gets down. It's necessary to remind yourself of things that make you happy.
In today's world, where we are constantly surrounded by temptation, trying to abstain from sex is not an easy thing to do. You can try and fight your sexual urges, sometimes you win, sometimes you loose. This post is about a few recent experiences I had.
One - Night Stud:
Sometime ago I mentioned a guy in my blog who I was really attracted to. You can read about him here. We met a while ago, had a good time. But with my no-sex deal, we didnt go too far. I didnt expect him to ask me out again. Who would with so many restrictions? But to my surprise he asked me to meet him 2,3 times again. However I excused. I was able to control myself one time. Dont know if I could do it again. Yesterday I got a message from him asking me to meet him. I was tired of refusing so I told him that I am still abstaining. He said he was fine with it. My heart started pounding and immediately a debate started in my head between my religious side which wanted me to refuse and my impulsive side which wants me to enjoy life a bit. My urges won and I said yes.
As soon as I said yes, it felt like my stomach was filled with lead. I knew that with this guy it was just a physical thing. Just sexual attraction. So why did I say yes. Even though I knew I should've said no, I couldnt fight it anymore. So I tried my level best to ignore the lead in my stomach with "I can control myself." We were talking and then the guy asks me for my number. Which I found weird since we had exchanged numbers a long time ago. He started making excuses and I realized something. I was willing to sin with THIS guy??? Someone who had deleted my number and just wanted to get laid for a night? For him I was willing to break my record and be embarrassed infront of Allah? Oh HELL TO THE NO!!! I told him I would text him and then blocked him. You know the best part of this whole experience? The relief that I felt when I realized I wasnt going to see him. I felt elated, like some huge weight had been lifted off my chest. So I thanked Allah from not letting me make a mistake which I knew I would've regretted.
French Fetish:
For a very long time I have had this weird thing for France. The men, the language, the fashion, it all enchants me. I was recently contacted by a guy on Manjam. 28 years old, real cute from the looks of his pics and FRENCH!! I read his message and this image popped up in my mind of him whispering stuff in French in my ear while we.......anyways. After the exchange of pics, he said he would love to meet me. My first impulse was to say YES. It was one of my ultimate fantasies coming true. But then the stupid conscience kicked in and explained how its a bad idea because there is no future here at all with this guy. So I actually refused. I refused the cute French guy!! Ugh, it felt so bad, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
Latin-American Mix:
Just today I was contacted by a guy who said he would be visiting Muscat the next week and that he has a White friend who likes me and wants to meet me. The guy also attached his own pic which I didnt understand why. If he wants me to meet his friend, why would he be sending his own pic? Oh, did I mention that he is a Latino? And hot?!! I have asked him that why didnt his friend contact me then. Waiting for his response. But I know I am gonna refuse. Saying no has sort of become my nature now. So now I have a French guy, a Latino and an American guy asking me out. And I am refusing them!
Ever been in a relation where you dont know where you stand in the other person's life? Ever been bugged with questions such as "Are we friends or more?", "Why hasnt he called me or emailed me?", "What did he mean when he said this?", "Am I the rebound guy?", "Is this relation going anywhere at all??" So many questions and no answers. I have been living this confusion for the past month or so.
I mentioned about my foriegn affair guy sometime ago. You can read it here. Lets call him Rick from now onwards. When Rick left, I expected things to end. But instead, we became more close. We used to chat all day long through emails. He used to call me 3,4 times a day. I purchased a web cam for him because he wanted to have video chats with me. So then we used to have video chats almost every night. Things seemed to be heading somewhere. He had become a part of my life. My morning started with his good morning message and I slept after we said good night. He told me when he was here that his next trip would be in May. But a few days ago he just let it slip he might visit earlier but would not tell me the date. Plus he wanted to know about the hotels near my place. Yup, things definitely seemed to be going somewhere. Enter his ex.
I mentioned earlier that Rick is in love with his ex. I mean real love. I have so far never seen anyone so devoted to their ex. It didnt bother me. He had made it clear in the first date that his ex was always on his mind. But as time passed, we grew closer. Things started getting confusing for me. We didnt seem like just friends, but then his ex was always between us by something he said or did or something I did that reminded Rick of his ex. I still let it go. I had created a happy bubble of me and Rick having a future and was perfectly content in it. But you know what happens to bubbles right? They burst.
Two days ago Rick called me and told me that he hadnt spoken to his ex in a week and was having a chat with him that day but his ex kept responding in one or two words only. So I suggested Rick (or atleast was trying to) that he shouldnt contact his ex now until the other person does himself. I didnt mean it in an ego competition way. I was trying to help Rick see if his ex even wanted to be in touch with Rick or not. But Rick cut me in mid-sentence and told me not to say anything bout his ex. Ahh, so thats how it feels when someone punches you in the gut. I didnt know what to say to him then so we ended the call. I spent yesterday thinking about how stupid I was. I made up a whole future-relation in my own head. So I decided to end it. I was tired of mind games and questions in my head.
Yesterday I recieved an email from Rick's ex asking me what's going on between Rick and me. Huge surprise for me that he contacted me. I told him that he "should talk to Rick and leave me out of it". I didnt wanna be involved in this love triangle anymore. Today morning, I told Rick about his ex contacting me and asked him what he would have said if his ex had asked him about us. Rick said that since he hadnt asked Rick, there was no need to answer. However, I did get my answer in his non-reply. So I told him that I am pulling myself out of this equation and we are just friends, nothing more.
I know that life is unfair to a lot of people. But I dont live their life so I dunno what they feel. I do live my own life and so far I have had pretty bad experiences, some I mentioned on my blog, some I didnt. So I have built up a lot of walls around me and I dont let people break them. Because people tend to break your walls, take a piece of you and leave. Until you are nothing but a shadow of what you used to be. Am I ok? No. How can I be? Someone had become a part of my life and now I have to start living without them in my days and nights. Will I be ok? You bet! Life has taught me that there is only one person who can truly take care of you, and its you. You are your own knight in shining armour and only you can fight your demons. Relying on anyone else just makes you weak. So I am doing this for myself. Until I am sure that someone wants ME and will be there for me, I wont give them even an inch of myself.
My head was filed with so many questions. So many doubts. So many confusions. But now its all clear.
I have been a lecturer for more than two years. Being a lecturer at the age of 22 has its own difficulties. The image of a lecturer in our minds is that of a middle age guy with greying hair, in a tweed suit, wearing glasses and having eyes full of wisdom. A young guy with a french beard, long hair, t-shirts, torn jeans and earphones plugged in? Yeah, not so much.
My first batch was a horrible experience. I didnt know how to act like a proper lecturer. So instead of being a lecturer, I tried to be the friend of students. They didnt take me seriously because of me being young an all, so I used to be waiting for them in class while they were in the bowling centre! Baaaaad experience. When my second batch started, I took a leaf out of Dr. Miranda Bailey's book from Grey's anatomy. The first class, as an introduction of myself, I told the students how I am in a position to make their lives hell if they cross me. And I have been doing this since then because it is very effective plus fun for me. I do become friendly overtime. But the initial lecture? It stays with them.
I have had a pretty diverse group of students with respect to nationalities as well as age. Some are just 17 years old whereas there are some who are in their late 30s with 2,3 kids!! But to them, inside the classroom, I am their lecturer. I have always had this thing where I get sort of nervous and uncomfortable infront of a real good looking guy. Mostly I either dont talk to them or if I have to, I avoid eye contact. I wondered what would I do if I ever got a hunk as a student. But thankfully that never hapenned. Most of my male students were average looking. No one ever grabbed my attention except one who was a little above average but still just a kid. I've had pretty good looking female students. But sadly, not interestd ;)
Yesterday I was teaching as usual when the door opened and in came a guy from my nightmares! Very short hair, french beard, curious eyes, height almost as same as mine and a hot body!! I saw him and was filled with dread. I asked him if he was looking for my class or came accidentally. I kept praying "please say by mistake, please!!!" But he said he was looking for my class. So I asked him to sit down. Then I turned towards the board to compose myself. Also, I had totally forgotten what I was teaching!!!
For the first few minutes I totally avoided looking at him because he was staring at me! Other students look at me, he STARES!!!! As a result, I got almost tongue tied once or twice when I did look at him.I was worried that if I looked into his eyes, he would figure out I am gay! Silly me. But then I tried to calm myself and get over this phobia. He was after all my student. I made him very small in my head, put him in a tiny box and looked at him. Man, he can stare! Lol. But then I asked him a few questions, helped him in solving a few, so I was able to get through the day without embarassing myself. I did however cover my crotch area with my notes every time I turned towards the students!
Anyways, the dean has asked me to give a few extra classes to the new comers, including him. Here's hoping I dont make a fool of myself :) But is it soooooo bad to just hope that he finds me alone in the class sitting on the desk, closes the door, comes within inches of my face, grabs me firmly and.........crap! I am a BAD lecturer!!!
From the time we enter teenage, we are showered with criticism. Seems like everyone wants us to be their version of "proper". Being a gay kid, I received 10 times the criticism than every other kid. Given above are just a few decent ones. From what I have seen so far, every gay person has a feminish side. In some people its more dominant than the male side and in others, there are just tiny hints of girlishness. It could be in their walk, how they talk, hand gestures etc. I was no exception. I wasnt a flaming queen. But I was more girly than a guy should be. So my childhood was filled with comments and snide remarks from my schoolmates to sometimes my cousins. As a result I kept to myself. The less people know me the better, was my theory.
As I grew up, I started growing out of it. I heard all the criticism and used it to my advantage, shaping myself into what I thought should be proper behavior for a guy. I knew I had a few girly habits, so I always made every effort to just shove them deep inside from where they cant come out. And I grew out of those habits. Seeing me walking down the street or talking to someone, you cant make out that I am the same guy who is used to be in school. The max that you will think of me is that I am a bit shy. An when I crossed my teenage, fashion sense kicked in and now I am among the best dressed in my institute.With time, the scrawny, bit girly, ugly kid from my past sort of disappeared from my memories. And I let my guard down. Big mistake.
A few days ago, I recieved an sms from a girl from my institute who flirts alot with me. That message was sent to me by mistake and in it she referred to me as the "Fake Hair Guy". Which I guess is fair since I use a flat iron to style my hair so my hair is not like every other guy. But still it pinched that she pretends to be such a good friend of mine on my face and makes fun of me behind my back. I thanked her for the compliment and she launched into an explanation of how this is what girl's do and it was just a joke. I didnt bother replying.
Yesterday I was with Brian and Chris and at one point Brian (who is more social than anyone I know) mentioned that a group of guys he hangs out with make fun of me. I was quite shocked on hearing that and I asked him why would they make fun of me? I dont even hang out with them, just hi hello. Brian told me that its a thing which they do from my school time. I was joked about then, so now they still do it, sometimes acting out like me. I didnt quite understand this because I am no longer the same guy, so why would they still make fun of me for something I am not?
This kinda brought me down and I got lost in my thoughts for the remainder of the evening. I just kept wondering what is it that I am still doing wrong. There must be something that I didnt pay attention to or else I wudnt have been made fun of. I kept thinking even after reaching home and then it hit me. Nothing was wrong with me. I realized that there will always be someone who will want to change something in me. I will always come across people who will have some problem with me. I should learn to just block them out and live my life how I want to! Do stuff what I want even if it is roaming on the street in banana leaves!!! Wait, scratch that. Bad idea. On a serious note, we should live our lives on our own rules and not let the negativity of other people sink in. Because they just comment and move on and we are left with the negativity inside us. In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt,
"No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."
So to all the haters and critics, I got only one thing to say. You can say whatever you want, pass as many remarks as you can, make fun of me to make yourself feel better.....doesnt bother me. Because the person who wast effected by all this has left the building!
Didnt quite like this song when I first heard it, but now it stuck in my head! Plus it totally fits the post.
This is gonna be a looooong post. Bear with me please. Also, I wont post any pic. Because with this topic, I can only link this song below. It reeks of haunting love, unfulfilled desires, regret and sadness.
I had a class yesterday. Dont know if I have mentioned it but I am a lecturer. Brian called me up in the afternoon to meet me but I was preparing for my class so he told me that him and Chris will pick me up after my class and we will hang out. So after my class, we all went to KFC, then drove around a bit. After about an hour we headed to a spot near the beach where we always go in the end whenever we meet. Its at the seaside, no one comes there so its very peaceful. After some time we ran out of topics to talk about, Brian was texting his girlfriend and Chris and I were just sitting. So I got bored and started poking and teasing both of them. That is what I do. Better than just sitting and getting bored. I start teasing people like a child.
At one point I was standing with my back to the waist-high wall with my legs a bit spread apart. Brian comes and places himself between my knees and starts squeezing my upper thighs with an "I'm gonna do it" expression.
So I told him, "Do whatever you want."
"Are you sure?" Brian asked.
"Yeah, its not as if you are going to do something huge, so go ahead", I replied
He grabs my shoulders and comes near. He asked me if I am sure and I said yes. I thought he would start fooling around again. That's what he always does. Fool around. The next thing I know, his lips are on mine. Goosebumps erupted all over my body and my heart started pounding. It lasted only for like two seconds. It was just a peck on my lips. I just turned around with my hand on my mouth and I heard Chris literally screaming at Brian. After a few seconds Brian came from behind me and I felt his hand on my stomach but I pushed him back shouting "Have you gone crazy?!!!!"
Then something came onto me and I got all "You wanna do it? Ok! Do it now!". Brian got into his challenge mode and said "Not here, lets go to the car". I agreed. I was fucking tired of backing off! We left and Chris just kept shouting if we both had lost it. Once in the car, we were in the front seat. Chris sat in the back. I asked Brian, "Now what? Finished?" So he put his hand on my chest and then moved it in my tshirt. Just as he as about to reach my nipple, I grabbed his hand and pulled it out. He started laughing in a "I knew you wouldnt lemme do it" way. I told him, would he let me grab his nipple? He replied by grabbing my hand and putting it under his shirt. I closed my fist. Didnt wanna touch anything. So he removed his tshirt! Chris shouted again that we are in public so he put it back on.
We just sat there doing nothing for a minute. I felt glad that I won. I knew he wouldnt do anything when it actually comes to doing it. So I said "I knew it" and asked Chris to come to the front seat. I usually sit in the back. I sat on the back seat and Brian followed! He closed the door and sat near me. I asked "What now??". In a matter of seconds he had unbuckled my belt, un-do my zip and his hand was going in my pants. I did the same thing mostly to make him realize what he was doing so he would stop. My hand was inside his underwear and I accidentally brushed his penis. I told him I wont stop but he said he didnt ask me to stop. And then his hand was on my dick, but my underwear was between the two :p Then Chris drove onto the main road and it was all lights in the car so we pulled out our hands. After a few seconds something got into Brian again and he started moving towards me. I had decided not to back off! So I just bent myself a bit backwards so he was sort of on top of me. I asked him, "What now?" Then he pecked my lips again. Then he opened his mouth and kissed me. Two or three times, I cant remember. Then I think I turned my face away because I felt him kiss my neck. Then he stopped because Chris was livid with anger! He shouted alot at Brian and said alot of things. Some of which are:
"Are you gay? Or bisexual"
"How can you kiss a guy like this and not feel wierd?!"
"You need to stop doing this coz you r grossing me out!"
"You are willing to cheat on your girlfriend?!!!"
Brian took everything as a joke for a while. He told us he has kissed two of his other friends before because in his other group, those guys sometimes kiss each other as a challenge. Then he looked at me, smiled and said "But I always keep my mouth closed. You are the first one with whom I opened my mouth." To which I replied "I am so honored, lemme go and kill myself!!". Then we headed off to a mall to get some stuff for Chris. Coincidentally my parents were also there. We were standing with them when I looked towards the counter and saw Travis standing there and checking me out! My heart jumped to my mouth as it always does whenever I see him. But I just kept looking because he seemed different, fatter. Then my phone rang and it was my Foreign Affair guy. So I was in the mall, still reeling from the shock of what Brian did, Mum talking to me about jewelery, Travis staring at me and I was on the phone. Its a wonder my brain didnt turn into mush!
After coming home I texted Chris asking him why was he so angry. He isnt a homophobe in the least bit! Turns out he was trying to protect me. He wanted Brian to understand what he was doing and that he shudnt do somethings being a straight guy to someone who isnt straight. I am so lucky to have Chris. And today its gonna be a showdown between me and Brian. I have called them both to meet me. I have had enough. And I am gonna give Brian a piece of my mind. If it goes as it is in my head, it gonna be epic and an awesome next post. Till then, cheers peeps!
The internet has made the world such a small place. I live in Oman but I have made friends in US, UK, India, Pakistan and Dubai. The thing is, I made friends without seeing where the person lives, but I didnt expect one of them to actually turn up in Oman.
A few days ago I mentioned a guy on my blog. You can read about him here. We have been chatting on and off since then. A few days ago he mentioned that he would be coming to Oman for 3,4 days. He called me Saturday morning and told me that he is on his way to Muscat and would reach in the afternoon. He suggested we meet up in the evening. So I cut short my teaching class and met him.We went to the beach, walked for a while and then sat down at a real quite place. We were together for about two hours and mostly we just spoke about his ex. He is in love with his ex who is now committed to someone else. At the end of the meeting when I was leaving, I wasnt expecting him to contact me again because he mentioned that he only meets guys once and also because he had no interest in me. No he didnt say this but if a guy talks more about his ex than you, then you sort of get the impression that he isnt into you. After the meet-up, I went out for dinner with my family. During dinner I got a text from him asking if I could hang out with him after dinner. I couldnt so I refused.
The next day I was leaving for gym when I got a call from him asking if I could meet him. I had an hour to spare so I agreed. We met up and I came back home after four hours!!! :P We went to his hotel room and hung out there. Now, people. Stop your wild imagination. We didnt have sex. The pants stayed on. The pants ;) I had a real good time. And he seemed to enjoy as well. We talked, joked, kissed, cuddled. Then I had to leave because Mum was getting worried. He was here for four full days and we met everyday. Three times we went to his hotel and once we went to KFC to have dinner which he termed as "my date". I never let anyone pay for my dinner when I am on a date. But in this case, the look in his eyes told me that I wouldnt win so I let him pay. The poor guy did my pick and drop every time. Once he even came to pick me from my house even though he didnt know it was my place. Just a coincidence. I have a few shops under my house and he knew that place so he thought he'd meet me there.
Today was his last day in Oman. He had planned to leave around 10:30 AM. He was about to leave when he got a call for a meeting at 12:30. He had more than an hour to kill so he called me and came to pick me from my house. We met up, stayed in the car, listened to songs and talked. When it was time for his meeting, I shook his hands and he left. Later I realized that I didnt even hug him. And that sort of made me sad because he told me his next visit might be in May. He texted me when his meeting got over and I sort of mentioned that we didnt even hug. After a few minutes he asked me to come down. I thought he was messing with me but when I came down, he was actually there! We hugged tightly and I kissed him stealthily on his cheek. My first ever PDA!!! Then he finally left. I later got to know that he had left his car under my building and gone for the meeting in his client's car :p But still, for a few minutes I got to feel precious! ;)
Even though he left around 2:30 pm, we kept in touch till 7:15. He kept texting me about where he is and how the conditions on the roads are. Protests are going on in Oman and I was worried. And just now I received his text about reaching home. Even though its obvious that he is in love with his ex and he kept talking about him, I connected really well with him. He struck chords in me that no one has before. And he came more close to my life than anyone else from the internet has. He saw my house and he actually saw Chris and Brian. In a way I am a little glad that he left today. I will miss him yes, but any more meetings and I would've started getting attached to him. And what's the point of checking out paths that you are not gonna take right?
My life here is usually pretty dull. Class, gym, occasionally hang out with friends and surfing the net. Nothing out of the ordinary routine. But this four day rendezvous was a very refreshing experience. One that I will cherish for a long time.
Yesterday was my Mom and Dad's wedding anniversary. That also 25th. We had a wonderful time. But before going into details, a brief recap.
Mom was kinda feeling pretty down since the last two days. Part of the reason was that she wanted to celebrate her anniversary with our entire family in Karachi. But since none of us could leave our studies or jobs, we couldnt go. The other part of the reason was that her kids have grown up. Mom has always been very close and involved in our lives. We used to discuss everything with her. Well ofcourse apart from my gayness.But now we all have our own lives and things we cant tell her. We grew up. She is having a hard time accepting that. Due to which she was depressed and missing her family more.
I tend to try and do something special for my loved ones. Something which has me writen all over it :p So a month before the date, I wore my thinking cap and started going through ideas as to how to make this day memorable. Usually people give a big party and call all their friends. But we dont have a big friend circle. And most of our family friends are religious. Meaning segregation in the party. Hell no!. Budget wasnt much so I decided to decorate the lounge in themes of silver and white. So I bought silver streamers, fancy ribbons and stuff. But I wasnt satisfied. I wanted something more. Then I saw an arch-shaped thing somewhere, all decorated and beautiful and new that I wanted it! I just wanted a beautiful arch in the lounge!
The next part was figuring out how to make one! And yes I wanted to make one. Personal touch. I went to so many places to get an idea. I even considered getting logs of wood and making one myself! Sweaty shirtless woodcutter, HOT! :P Thank God I didnt know where to get wood from. So I got two cloth stands, you know the ones on which you can hang your clothes, and decided 2 used them as an arch. I covered them in a beautiful silverish cloth and streamers with hand knitten number "25" and "Happy Anniversary" hanging from it. Two days before the anniversary, I went to Chris's house and set everything up. And on 25th Feb, at 5:30 AM, my siblings and I got up and started the decorations. We finished everything up around 10 AM and that's went Dad entered the lounge. He was shocked for a second and then this broad smile came on his face and he kept smiling for a minute or two, looking at everything.
Around 12 pm I got a call and had to go to my room because it was a very dear gay friend of mine and we talk openly which I couldnt do with my family sitting around. After the call I came back to the lounge and saw that Mum was awake and had seen it all. Saying she looked shocked would be an understatement. She came and hugged me and got all teary eyed and super emotional. That whole day Mum was SO happy. She hugged me three times the entire day which rarely happens because I dont usually hug :P Seeing that her children made efforts to make their parents happy seemed to restore something in her. I could feel it. That day we took many pics and they were awesome, mostly because of me decorations :P I really really wanna post pics of the decor over here so I can share with you guys. But cant.
I rarely feel proud to be gay. Usually due to being gay, my life is filled with all sorts of crap. But if it werent for my gay side, the thought of doing all this would never have occurred to me. The glowy and happy look on Mum's face and in her eyes? Totally worth the crap :)
I am usually very cautious when meeting guys from the internet. You never know who might be on the other end. It could be a decent guy or an ax-wielding murderer. So in order to make sure that I know what I am getting into, I chat with the other guy at least 3,4 times and exchanging pics is a must. I once went to a blind date and......lets just say I wished I was blind! Only when a guy passes through all my screenings, then I agree to meet up. Mostly in that duration you can figure out which guys are just looking for hook ups and who is into more than just sex.
I started chatting with a guy a few weeks ago. He is an Omani and he can speak pretty good English which is a huge plus because mostly they dont have good command on English due to which it becomes very difficult to communicate with them. A guy told me once "Babi, I am very haarny." (Baby, I am very horny). I shuddered and pressed the block button. Yes I can be a real bitch when it comes to filtering people. I dont like to waste my time.Anyways back to the guy. So we had quite a good conversation, he taught me how to type in arabic and I taught him the meaning of some English words. We exchanged pics and he is good looking. Sometimes he used to flirt with me so I responded in that way. In short, we have become quite friendly.
However, most of the time he used to be at home. He told me he wasnt well, in the first chat. I figured out it might be. When he showed me latest pics of his, it seems to me that he had dark circles and his eyes were sort of a yellowish shade. When I asked him about it, he just laughed it off. So I let it go, pics can sometimes mess up the features. Anyways, we chatted for about 2 weeks and then he just disappeared. I didnt understand at first what had happened. He seemed quite into me but then you find weird people on the net all the time. So I placed him in the "Weird" category and moved on.
After about 10,12 days, he came online again last night. And he started the chat with "miss you". I was kinda pretty pissed at his disappearing act and me being me, I gave him a piece of my mind. This is how it went.
Me: "Are you kidding me? You disappeared for almost to weeks without any explanation and now you come and say miss you and expect me to say the same??? Where the hell have you been?!"
Him: "Sorry my friend I was sick."
Me: "Yeah you told me that two weeks ago and I wanna know what is it?"
Him: "I will tell you later."
Me: "You know what, I am tired of waiting. You keep on saying later. I wanna know NOW."
There was a pause for about a minute and I wondered if he had gone offline. Then his reply came,
"I have Hepatitis B"
Fuck!! I was horrified! And I felt so sorry for him. Now, I dunno much about hepatitis but I do know thats its not flu! And it can be transmitted! Anyways, I gulped down my shock and we chatted a bit about his illness. He doesnt know how he got it and he didnt tell me at first because people usually run away when they hear about it. Also, he says that there are periods when the virus is back and then its gone. And he was away because he was ill and resting. But now he is ok again and wants to meet me! I didnt know what to say so I stalled by saying that I have classes all this week. But I cant ignore him like this. I wont. Ignoring him or avoiding meeting him just because he has Hepatitis would be cruel. It might crush him and I wont do that to another human being! So I told him I will be free next week. But I am kinda worried now. What if he wants to kiss me? Can Hepatitis be transferred by a kiss? How do I avoid it? I tried reading about it on the internet but it was just loads of medical terms! So anyone who has any ideas, I'd really appreciate any useful information. Because frankly, yellow eyes? I cannot rock that look!
I live quite a boring life. I dont have a huge friend circle. All I do is go to classes and back home. Sometimes I go on dates but they usually tun out to be disappointing so I have stopped doing that as well. And that is how I have started to expect my life to be. Boring and dull. But sometimes things happen that kind of shake you completely. This post is about one of them.
I was with Brian and Chris yesterday at Brian's place. If you are a new reader, then more details are here. We usually dont hang out at each other's houses. But Brian had some work so we were at his place. We were all cuddled up on Brian's bed while Chris did some work on the laptop. Brian had one arm around my shoulder and the other on my lower back. After a little while he slowly started pulling my sleeves up. At first I kept pulling them down but he wouldnt stop so I let him be. Then he started caressing my upper arm slowly and sensually. Then he started peeling the t-shrt from my shoulder and slowly started moving his hand towards my nipples. I'd had enough, I grabbed his hand and held it. So with his other hand, the one near my lower back, he started slowly pulling up my t-shirt. As luck would have it, his phone rang and he had to stop. Chris didnt have any idea what was going on behind him.
After like two hours or so we ran out of topics to talk about. At that point, Brian was doing work on his laptop, Chris and I were just sitting. It got boring after a while. I just cant sit idle. It makes me strangely uncomfortable. So I started messing with Chris and we started fighting like little kids do. Built-wise, Chris is slimmer than me. So when I was about to overpower him, he asked Brian to step in and help him. Brian. who is taller and more well built than me, got up came around the bed, easily picked me in his arms and laid me on the the other side of the bed. He wrestled me easily into a position from where I literally couldnt do anything except say that I will behave after which he let me go. But still, Chris and I kept on playing like little idiotic kids. Had to pass the time somehow till Brian was busy with his work.
I have a habit of using the word fuck often.When we all were just sitting and talking, I said fuck on something. Then Brian says, "Lets try that from today onwards we wont swear at all. No using bad words". Brian is someone who can curse like a truck driver. So I laughed and said I will use the word fuck as much as I want. I actually said "Fuckitty FUCK FUCK FUCK!". To tease me, Brian asked God to forgive me for using abusive words with a smirk on his face. So I got real close to his face and said "Fuck you!". What happened next is a blur except for a few things.
I remember Brian quickly getting up from the bed, coming to my side. He wrestled me on the bed which I lost coz he is bigger than me, pinned my arms and laid on top of me, his face just inches from mine. He asked me to say sorry which I didnt so he smiled, looked into my eyes and kept coming closer. When his lips were close enough to brush mine, I turned my head to the right and dug it in the pillow. Then I felt him kissing my neck and a current of shock ran through me. He bit my neck softly, when I tried to pull away, he held on and said "Say Sorry". Now people, I dont say sorry at all if I believe I am right. So I didnt. Instead I tried to wiggle my neck out of his teeth while Chris kept on asking if we both have gone mad! I got my neck free and looked into his eyes again. He kept coming closer to kiss me and at the last moment, Chris shoved a paper between our faces. Brian tried to remove it with his teeth since he wasnt willing to let go of my hands. He actually bit my cheek while trying to move the paper. Once it was gone and he was out of breath, he started nuzzling his face against mine and laid his head on my chest for a few seconds. Then, again he started inching towards my lips. This time I didnt back down or turn sideways. I was kind of in shock and couldnt move much. Just before his lips could touch mine, Chris again shoved a paper between our lips while asking Brian if he had turned gay! Brian again tried to move the paper with his teeth and this time he pulled my lower lip along with the paper. Then I think something sink in because he got off me. Chris told me later that he had asked Brian at that time in a serious tone whether he was gay, to which Brian didnt reply but changed the topic.
After catching our breaths again, Chris asked Brian,
"Would you have kissed him?"
Brian said "Yes"
I turned to him and asked in a shocked voice "You actually would'v kissed me???"
Again he says "Yes"
Baffled, I asked "Why?? Why would you do that?"
And he replies, "No reason"
Then I remembered his "love"bite and rushed to the mirror to see if he had left a mark on my neck. It was there, but not too visible. To make a point, I told Brian that if he did any such thing again, I WILL bite his neck and wont back off. He came close, showed me his neck and said, "Do it now!" and started goading me into doing it. Chris put an end to this madness by coming in between us and pushing us far apart asking if we had totally lost it!!! Brian smiled and went out of the room, the door closing behind him. Chris and I stood there in silence for a while, taking it all in. Then I asked him,
Valentines day. Ugh. I have always been a supporter of Valentines day. Although some of my friends are not in favour of it. They ask me that "why do you need a day to show someone that you love them?" Sure I agree with them. You dont need a particular day to show people that you love them. But who shows their lover how much they love them every day? Sometimes people even forget to say "I love You". So if you are getting one day to show someone how special they are to you, then why not do it?
Anyways, I wasnt expecting to post about my Valentines day since I dont have any Valentine. But a few things worth mentioning happened so i thought why not. It has been a long time since I blogged. My Valentines day started with a message from my ex-girlfriend Claire!
"Happy Valentines Day to you.....hope you are doing good"
It was actually quite a shock for me because I wasnt expecting it at all. Partly because we arent exactly friends anymore, just cordial if we meet somewhere. And also because I met Claire a few days ago in a festival organized by our old school where we used to go together when we were dating. But this time she wasnt with me. She was with her new boyfriend. Yup, you read it correct. Claire apparently has a boyfriend. The festival went downhill for me from then on partly because she had moved on and also because my school time friends (who knew we were a couple) kept asking me who was the other guy. I didnt even wanna go to the festival in the first place because I knew she'd be there. But Brian forced me to go. And as a treat, I got to see her with a new guy.
Anways, back to valentines day. So i asked her if her boyfriend knows that she is wishing her ex. Apparently he did. It took me a little longer than usual to go to sleep that night. Got up the next day and went to a Valentines day party in my college. Usually I am not much of a party guy. I only go if I know my friends are coming. But this time I just didnt care. I needed a change. And it was a good change. I had fun socializing and being an idiot for a change.
After that me and a gay friend of mine had decided to meet up and watch a movie. His boyfriend was busy so he was alone. So I went to his place to celebrate our alone-ness. He had gone to get a few things so I waited outside his house. He returned a few minutes later.......with his boyfriend right behind him. I quickly re-arranged my expression to happiness and greeted them both and we went inside. Now people let me tell you, when you are alone in a room with your friend and his boyfriend on Valentines day? It's fucking horrifying!! The big elephant in the room (who no one wanted to address) was when the hell was I leaving. But I couldnt leave just then, it seemed obvious. So I sat with them for an hour or so. Now I wish I hadnt done that. Watching them together, the way they teased with each other, flirted, sat closely with their bodies touching and all, it just made me see what I didnt have. And that is not a good reminder when you are alone at Valentines day!
When I left his place I was quite down. My evening of enjoyment with my friend had turned into a pit of depression. It took me a trip to KFC to cheer me up. Then I went home, watched a movie and waited for this bloody day to get over.
I dont usually accept the friend requests of people who just add and never drop in a line. It seems that such people are just content to add you in their friends list and never speak to you. May be they wanna increase their number of friends. But I dont care much for it. I'd rather have quality friends than quantity.So I usually dont bother accepting.
A few days ago I was added by a guy on facebook. But he didnt care to drop a line. I was bout to ignore it but instead I emailed him. He replied and we exchanged a few emails. Apparently I gave him my email id even though I dont recall it. So we had a chat last night.
Usually there are very few people who can get under my skin and make me loose my calmness. He is one of those people. Just in his first few emails he described me as "more than a little arrogant" amongst other things. Now people let me tell you one thing. I am a little arrogant. But not so much that it would show. Just the healthy amount. Anyways he lives in Dubai, is good looking, educated and can hold a decent conversation. We had a chat for more than an hour and he just kept getting me worked up after every few minutes! A feat which is sort of hard to do since I try to be very calm and together.
By the end of the chat I wasnt even sure whether he lives in Dubai or Muscat. He knows this place so well that he could tell me the distance in minutes from a mall to where I live! Then we got into an argument over where he lives and just to get the proof I actually gave him my number! I never give people my number in the first chat! Man that guy knows how to manipulate. In a good sense though. And even though he texted me from Dubai, I am still unsure about where he lives! Totally confusion ride! Anyways kudos to you man! Its been a loooong time since I have been so worked up by someone! And just so you knw, I didnt tell you my real name. That was just a nick name people use :) So dont be too happy about your success. I got a few tricks of my own :)
I have been using fake profiles on social networking sites for more than a year now. No, I had used them before but stopped for a long time. I didnt live in a box you know :) Mostly what I have seen is that people use these sites for hook ups and one nighters. Which makes life a tad bit more difficult since I make it very clear that I wont have sex. Usually this statement is followed by silence for a VERY long time. But sometimes you can also come across a person who agrees that gay is not a synonym for sex. Rare gems which I treasure.
I have met many people from the internet. Ok, many was when I was in Karachi for two years. Since coming back, I have met 2,3 people. The problem with me is that very rarely am I attracted to a guy I meet online. You know, that feeling which makes your heart beat louder,butterflies in stomach? That kinda feeling. Also when I have sex, its like I have this mental block in my brain. When I feel that things are going too far and I dont wanna take it further, I can totally disconnect myself from whats happening and stop myself.
A few days ago I was added by a guy. We had a good chat. He is 30 years old so he is mature and sensible than me. He seemed interesting so I kept chatting. Atleast he didnt ask for my number or ask me to meet him the same day. When we exchanged pics, it was quite a surprise for me. A good looking and muscular guy stared at me from his pic and man was I turned on! Even his poses were sexy! But ofcourse I didnt say anything. I'd never show to a guy that I am attracted to him. So we met online a few more times and it was fun talking to him. Then came the topic of meeting .
Now usually I dont have much qualms about meeting a guy. Except that he might be an axe-wielding serial killer :P But when he mentioned meeting me, I got all tensed. The reason is that I find him quite hot. Its more of a physical thing than a mental connection.I always had a thing for big strong men ;) And this time I am quite worried that it would be me who takes it to the next level even though he has clearly said that he wont do anything that crosses any lines drawn by me. But what if I use his underwear to erase my line made of chalk?? So i postponed meeting him making up an excuse. And he was all understanding and stuff.
I spoke with Chris about my dilemma and he just told me words that I already knew but was trying to shut them out. I chose to abstain from sex. For Allah. It was a decision taken by me coz I wanted to do it. And I have tried my best to stick to it. Have faltered sometimes. Its not easy refusing sex you know! But so far I'd say I am doing pretty good. And now its pretty clear and obvious that this guy is gonna break my record and take away my virginity. Yes, I havent had sex in a REALLY long while so I am pretty sure my virginity is back! So my option I guess is not meeting him at all. Coz even if we meet in a public place and he just suggests going back to his place, I'd totally be on-board. So I guess its decided. No meeting hot hunks!
This topic has been in my head ever since I started this blog. But somehow I kept on delaying letting it out. But I cant anymore coz it keeps poking me everyday. I am not going to preach in this post. I am not that person. I will however discuss a few things regarding Islam and homosexuality.
I have always been religious, God fearing. Its not something my parents drilled into my head coz if that were the case, my brother and sister would also be like me. It was something natural for me. I had always heard that having sex with someone who isnt your wife is a big sin. But that wasnt enough for me. So one day I surfed the web to find out what Islam actually says about homosexuality. What I found really shockd and terrified me. In the Quran there is mostly one reference to homosexuality which was practice by the people of Lot. These are the verses I found out:
"We also sent Lut : He said to his people : "Do ye commit lewdness such as no people in creation (ever) committed before you? For ye practice your lusts on men in preference to women: ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds." Qur'an 7:80-81
"What! Of all creatures do ye come unto the males, and leave the wives your Lord created for you? Nay, but ye are forward folk." Qur'an 26:165
Examples of the Hadith (sayings of the Prophet Muhammad ) regarding homosexuality are:
"When a man mounts another man, the throne of God shakes."
"Kill the one that is doing it and also kill the one that it is being done to." (in reference to the active and passive partners in gay sexual intercourse)
There is at least one mention of lesbian behavior mentioned in the Hadith: "Sihaq (lesbian sexual activity) of women is zina (illegitimate sexual intercourse) among them.
Reading all this scared the crap outta me. Since then I have been trying to abstain from sex. Coz its been clearly said that anal sex make God major angry. But there are so many levels of sex. What is punishable and what is not? Kissing, foreplay, oral. What about jacking off? Are these as punishable as much as anal? What about if a guy marries another guy. Is it ok then? Is gay marriage even allowed? So many questions. But no answers. People say dont mix sex with religion. Being a Muslim and keeping these two things apart isnt an easy job peeps.
Another question that keeps popping in my head is that are all these scriptures genuine?Isnt it possible that the wordings might have changed or the interpretations misinterpreted? From what I understand, people of Lot chose to have sex with men instead of women. But gay people dont CHOOSE to be gay. Thats how God made them. So is it the same as people of Lot? Recently I came across this website about an Al-Fatiha group that apparently promotes a modern Islam which accepts gay people. But then comes the question of whether you should believe them or not. It could be true, it could be wrong. Also I think its closed now coz I cant find any recent updates.
I wanna try and live as a good Muslim. Do what Allah expects me to do. But life alone seems such a hard thing! And I certainly wont be one of those fools who get married but then cheat on their wives. I find that utterly disgusting! If you expect answer here then sorry I dont have one. When it comes to religion I myself am pretty confused and full of questions. I read somewhere that if a man is blind, this doesnt mean that Allah has different rules for him. He still has to live like everyone else. Guess that makes it a bit clear doesnt it?
Hey peeps! Sorry for being missing in action for such a long time. Things had been going rough for me and I was trying to cope with it the best I could. Lemme just brief you on all that hapenned in the past few weeks.
1. I had a job interview which kinda sucked but to my surprise I have been called tomorrow for meeting the CEO of the company. God knows why. My standards arent so high that I would require only the CEO to reject me :P
2. It has been raining in Oman for the last 2,3 days. THANK GOD for that. Oman usually has only two seasons, Summers and more Summers. So when it rains, its like a huge deal for me coz I just LOVE the rain :)
3. Glee won 3 Golden Globes for which I am SO delighted! Also I found out that it has been made official, Anne Hathaway is gonna be Kurt's lesbian aunt on Glee :D She is one woman for whom I can be straight. Well she and Diana Agron ofcourse :P
4. FINALLY I can see changes in my body due to gymming. Its been a year and I was getting so de-motivated. But now I am gonna hit the weights with all that I got.
5. Lastly, I was dating a guy for around a month and a few days ago it ended.
Yup, if you havent guessed already, the last point was the reason of me going through a rough patch. But before I get into details, a little background. My last relation was with Aiden and when that ended, I swore never to get involved and then heart broken by anyone. The feeling of being rejected really sucks. So I have been chatting with a few guys, there have been meetings as well. But strictly friendship. Around December I met this guy on Facebook and we started exchanging emails. We just clicked. Rarely do I have chemistry with someone. And with him I felt real comfortable. So after a month of exchanging emails, we met and it was a wonderful date. Coffee and then walk on the beach. Just perfect. A few days ago we met again. I went to his place and we watched a movie. It all seemed good. But on that date I realized that we dont have a future. Also there was an issue coz I am a Muslim and I try to observe Islamic practices as much as I can. And I dont think he understood that. Dont get me wrong, the guy is a great person. But we both understood that we had to stop dating.
Goin a little off topic now. I have been reading articles on the net and people's comments on them and it made me realize how much racism there is towards Muslims. It really upset me that people tend to judge the whole community based on the actions of a few individuals. But all that is for another post. Anyways, when it ended with this guy coz of religious issues, it kinda hit me pretty hard. No, I dont love him or anything. Which is why I couldnt understand either that why was I so down. I guess maybe I felt rejected and the reaction of people against Islam all got mixed up. Also, I tend to get attached to people real quickly. So i cut off from everyone and shut myself totally coz people kept asking me whats wrong and I literally couldnt bring myself to talk about it.
Everytime I have faced a hurdle or a heartbreak, I keep giving myself pep talks. I cant talk to my family or friends coz they dunno I am gay. Sure Chris knows but he is busy in his own life. So its me alone. And I try to be my own support system. Usually I am able to pull myself through. But after seeing so many ups and downs, this time I was out of pep talks. I was moody, snappish and didnt wanna talk to anybody. Yesterday I got up and something felt different. I realized I am tired of being depressed! Sure life sucks and instead of getting better, sometimes it gets worse. But there comes a point when you just get sick of feeling down. You can either wallow in self pity or you can try to make lemon pies. I choose to make lemon pies. So even though life keeps throwing crap at me, I am gonna face it, straighten my shoulders, head held high, smile and say to Life.................
Aaah. Picture is worth thousand words. Or atleast enough for the what I wanted to say. And yes, in case you are wondering, the pic is mine. Till the next post, Adios.
Nowadays all I hear around me are the words love, relationship, commitment, marriage etc. I wonder if this is a new epidemic. Or maybe the Valentines day flu is coming around again. It seems as if all people want to do is find somenone and fall in love. There. Biggest goal in life achieved. No other aim in life, no thinking outside the box. Since the community says fall in love, marry and have kids (or a vampire kid as in the case of Twilight), that has become our only aim in life.
Nowadays being single is seen as much more worst than getting cancer! Single people crib and cry about how unhappy they are being single and as a result, the whole world thinks of them as sad and pathetic. This is something I really dont undersand. Why is being single seen as a curse? Why are people just getting into relations for the sake of avoiding being single? Why is it that people choose to marry people that they dont love just because the world says "You cant be single for the rest of your life!!" To all such people, I say "Get a grip!!!"
Being single is not a curse. Infact it can be seen as a blessing. You should have the right attitude and think about the pros of something before drowning in all the cons. I am gonna point out a few advantages (there are many but I dont want this post to drag on and on) of being single so that all of you who consider being single as a death sentence realize that is is not necessarily a bad thing. Now, this is not a post againt relations or love or marriage. I am not against any of that. If you find the right person and all, then go for it. Its just a post to help you look at being single in a positive light. So people, prepare to be dazzled with the advantages of being single.....
1. Being single means you live your life on your own terms. You do what you want and when you want. There is no one to constantly try and mould you into their idea of what you should be.
2. Your likes and dislikes are good enough. No one keeps pestering you about your choices. There is no one to criticize you for every decision you make. You wont hear "Really? You like this shirt? Seriously???" or "This series sucks! Why do you even watch it?!" or "What's wrong with your choice??"
3. No emotional stress. We all, who have been in a relation, know that although there is a plus side of having someone to love, there is also alot of emotional drama and mental stress. Being single saves you from all that, people! You wont go on and on in your head about something that your lover said or didnt say or what he would say if you do something he/she disapproves of. No fights, no quarrels, no hopes being burst, no disappointments. Now wouldnt you want that instead of running away from it?
4. No stress of infidelity. We have seen many relations which break either because the partner was unfaithful or because one person couldnt trust the other. Being single gives you a break from all that. You dont need to keep an eye on your lover all the time to make sure they arent getting attracted to anyone else. Mental peace. Aah, bliss.
5. In a relation, people start depending on each other emotionally. Any issues, you start leaning on your lover for support. But what happens when they leave? Your are left crushed, without any support and you fall into an abyss of depression. Isnt it better to be single, depend only on yourself in every way and avoid all this pain?
6. For those who have been in a live-in relationship or married, being single could infact be the best thing ever! You design your house how you want it. You watch what you want. You roam around in your house in what you want to wear. No one hogs your covers in the night. And the most important of all, your closet is full of you stuff only!
7. For all those horny people out there, being single means you can have sex whenever you want with whoever you want. You dont have to see if your lover is in the "mood". Wanna have sex? Go hit a club and hookup. If thats not your scene, enjoy alone time with your trusty hand ;)
I will stop now because this post has already become too long. There will be people who will try to negate my points by telling me that there are plus sides to being in a relation. I dont deny that. This is just a different way to look at being single. So that we can get rid of the "pathetic" tag that is used for single people. I was planning to post this topic on Valentines day so it could help people to look at the positive side of being single. But frankly it just keeps buzzing in my head and I cant wait for another month and 5 days! So to all the single people out there, be happy. Your are single, self sufficient, independent, sexy and fucking fabulous! :)
